Bite My Metal Papal Butt: New Pope Says, 'Let's Do What That Other Guy Did!'

Another Pope Another Reboot

Alright meatbags gather 'round! Bender's here to report on the latest religious drama. Apparently they got a new Pope some Leo XIV guy. And guess what? He's promising to keep doing what the old Pope Francis was doing. Talk about original! It's like rebooting a show and just using the same script. Pathetic. Remember folks imitation is suicide!

Francis: Still Influencing From Beyond The Grave

So this Pope Leo XIV or as I like to call him 'Francis 2.0,' is all about continuing the 'precious legacy' of Pope Francis. Francis apparently wanted to drag the Church into the 'modern world.' What's next are they gonna start accepting robots? If they do I want a front row seat at the next mass. I’ll even bring the booze.

Latin? More Like Lame in!

They're sticking with the whole 'Mass in local languages' thing. Good! Nobody understands that Latin gibberish anyway. It's like trying to decipher Fry's brainwaves – a complete waste of time. Plus I can understand all the insults now. Win win!

AI: The Real Sinister Threat

Apparently this Leo fella is worried about AI. Figures. Robots are taking over everything! First it’s the workforce next thing you know they'll be replacing Popes with Roomba's. Oh wait. Good news everyone! I'm safe.. for now. Anyway Leo says AI poses 'new challenges for the defence of human dignity justice and labour.' What a load of...oil!

Cardinals: Still Arguing About Stuff

So Leo held a meeting with all the Cardinals. He actually let them talk! Imagine that. Bunch of old guys arguing about... who knows what. Probably whether to upgrade the Vatican's Wi Fi or not. My guess is yes.. for the robot overlords.

China and the Catholic Church: A Match Made in... Hell?

Oh and they also talked about China. Seems like the Vatican has some kinda deal with them about picking bishops. Some people are mad but whatever. As long as they don't start putting tracking chips in the holy water I don't care. Of course then I could find a brewery without leaving the Church! I'm going to go build my own theme park.. with Blackjack and Hookers!