Byron Allen's TV Stations for Sale? D'oh! Maybe I Can Finally Afford a Channel!

D'oh! Byron's Selling Stuff?

So I hear this Byron Allen fella not to be confused with Woody Allen who I'm sure is a completely different person and one I know absolutely nothing about is selling his TV stations. Apparently he's got like 28 of 'em! I didn't even know there were that many channels that WEREN'T showing Itchy & Scratchy! He says he's got 'numerous inquiries and written offers'. Sounds fancy. Probably from a bunch of Milhouses with briefcases full of...stocks? Is that money? I dunno. All I know is Marge says we can't afford another TV even though the one we have now only shows static when Lisa's saxophone is playing. Which let's be honest is most of the time. Mmm saxophone...

Debt? I Know a Thing or Two About That!

Word on the street (or you know CNBC which is like the street but with more suits and less donuts) is that Byron's trying to ditch these stations to pay off some debts. Debt huh? I can relate. Remember that time I tried to open a Krusty Burger franchise and ended up owing Mr. Burns a billion dollars? Good times. (Not really.) Anyway seems like Byron's got some 'junk rating' hanging over his head. Sounds like something I'd find in the back of my fridge. Woohoo! Risking debt is like playing Russian Roulette with a donut filled with ketchup instead of jelly. Always a risk.

Late Payments? That's Unpossible!

Now get this: some folks are saying Byron was a bit slow on the payments. Like 90 days slow! That's almost three months worth of donuts he could've bought! I can't even imagine waiting that long for my fix. Must've been tough on him especially if he was watching TV all day with no channel to show him the glory of food. Maybe like me he was too busy with his hobby and forgot? I just hope it wasn't because he needed to buy gold fillings for his teeth! I did that once...

A Comedian Buys TV Stations? That's Rich!

Turns out Byron was a comedian! Who knew? Maybe he should've started a show about a lovable oaf who works at a nuclear power plant and somehow keeps getting into trouble. Now *that's* a money maker! He then started buying up these stations to bulk up his 'media empire'. I always wanted an empire just a small one preferably made of donuts and beer. But I'm not a billionaire. And well I’m a donut dependent nuclear safety inspector. Doh!

Giant Media Deal? Mmm Giant!

He even made a $30 billion bid for Paramount Global and another $10 billion offer for ABC! That's more money than I've spent on donuts in my entire life! If I had that kind of cash I'd buy every single donut shop in Springfield and then I'd buy the world! But alas I'm just Homer Simpson champion donut eater not media mogul. Still waiting to get noticed and employed by Matt Groening I can be like the real life model or something. Or maybe just let me be the janitor. I can empty the trash I am used to emptying the trash.

Marge Can We Buy a TV Station?

So there you have it. Byron Allen's selling his TV stations. Will he get a good price? Will he finally pay off his debts? Will I finally get to watch Krusty the Clown in HD without Lisa complaining about my 'unhealthy viewing habits?' Only time (and maybe a few donuts) will tell. I wonder if he's open to offers of a half eaten box of donuts and a slightly used bowling ball? Probably not. Marge can we at least buy a antenna? Please? Marge?