Screw You Guys I'm Going Streaming! Cable Companies FIGHT Over My Right to Watch the Knicks!

Respect My Authoritah! No More Knicks?

What what what?! You're telling me I can't watch the Knicks because these stupid cable companies are being even bigger babies than Butters?! This is worse than when my mom wouldn't buy me the Cheesy Poofs! Altice USA and MSG Networks are fighting and guess who suffers? That's right ME! And probably you poor pathetic losers too. They say it's about money like always. But I know the real reason... they're trying to keep ME from enjoying my favorite team. Well screw them guys I'm going home... to streaming!

Lame O Excuses From Lame O Adults

MSG Networks is whining that Altice won't pay them enough. They said and I quote from their stupid statement "We offered Altice a number of fair and reasonable proposals." Yeah fair and reasonable for who you greedy bastards?! Altice is crying that MSG wants too much money and they don't want to force everyone to pay for channels they don't even watch. Like anyone wouldn't watch the Knicks! What are they Canadian or something? You know I don’t like Canadians…

Kick the Baby! (Don't Kick the Baby!)

Altice is all like "Oh just stream it!" They even mentioned MSG Networks' streaming options. Like I have money to burn! $30 a month just to watch basketball? That's Cheesy Poof money you guys! And don't even get me started on the Gotham Sports app – $360 a year?! That's more than I spend on Coon and Friends headquarters upkeep! I'm not made of money you know!

Blame Canada! Blame Streaming!

Apparently all these losers are ditching cable for streaming anyway. And that's why these regional sports networks are going bankrupt. Like Diamond Sports. Losers! But it's all their fault really. If they didn't charge so much maybe people wouldn't be running away faster than Butters when I tell him to fight someone.

Respect My Authoritah or Else I'll Stream!

So what's a kid to do? I guess I'll have to figure out this whole streaming thing. Maybe I can get Mom to pay for it. She owes me after all. But mark my words MSG Networks and Altice USA you haven't seen the last of Eric Cartman! I'll find a way to watch my Knicks even if it means hacking your systems or starting my own cable company with blackjack and hookers! No wait that's Futurama dammit!

Screw You Guys I'm Going Home (to Watch TV... Hopefully)!

This whole thing is just messed up. But whatever I'm Eric Cartman. I always figure out a way to get what I want. So screw you guys I'm going home... to try and convince my Mom that streaming is a basic human right. Wish me luck!