Wall Street's Wild Ride: Upgrades, Downgrades, and Robotaxis, Oh My!

Snowflake's Suddenly Cool? (Finally!)

Alright alright alright! Morgan Stanley's saying Snowflake's gone from 'meh' to 'marvelous.' Apparently this new CEO Sridhar Ramaswamy is working wonders. They're all excited about AI growth. I mean anything's better than being stuck in a glacial epoch am I right? But seriously who names a company Snowflake? It sounds like something Zapp Brannigan would endorse after a 'strategic' retreat... or a romantic evening.

Apple: Still the Big Mac of Tech

Bank of America's still clinging to Apple like Fry clings to his Slurm. They're screaming 'Buy! Buy! Buy!' due to 'strong capital returns' and 'AI potential'. Personally I’m waiting for them to invent a phone that doesn’t break after one accidental drop. Maybe by the 31st century? In the meantime I guess we're all stuck paying extra for the iPlunger

Tesla's Robotaxi Rollout: More Like a 'Roll Over and Play Dead'

Goldman Sachs is giving Tesla's robotaxi launch a solid 'meh.' Seems like the scaling is slow slower than a penguin on Pluto which is really saying something. So it can drive itself...sort of. I'm sticking with my trusty Planet Express ship. At least I know where the reverse gear is unlike some other self driving contraptions.

EA Gets an Upgrade: Can They Level Up?

Roth MKM thinks Electronic Arts is finally gonna 'show me the money!' They upgraded them to 'buy,' because they're confident EA can finally deliver. As long as they don't fill their games with more microtransactions than the Professor's lab has gizmos they might just pull it off. Remember kids loot boxes are the devil’s work!

Chewy: Going to the Vet? Seriously?

Morgan Stanley's going bonkers over Chewy possibly getting into vet clinics. A '40B TAM?' That’s a lot of kibble. I'm just picturing a world where you can order catnip and a rabies shot with the same click. On the other hand maybe they'll finally start selling Leela sized eye bandages. A girl can dream can't she?

HSBC Thinks Broadcom is...Broad Awesome?

HSBC suddenly loves Broadcom thanks to their customer integrated circuit chips or ASICs. They think ASIC revenues will 'significantly beat market expectations.' Which is great if you understand what any of that means. I'm still trying to figure out how to work the TV remote. But good for them! May their profits soar higher than Hermes' self esteem after a successful limbo contest!