Sweet Zombie Jesus! China's Economy Still Kickin' Despite Trump's Tariff Tantrums

They Said It Couldn't Be Done!

Alright meatbags Leela here reporting live from... well not China. I'm in my apartment eating Bachelor Chow. But the news is comin' at ya hot! Apparently China's industrial profits are up for the second month in a row. Yeah you heard me. Despite those crazy tariffs Trump slapped on 'em last month the Chinese are still raking in the dough. It's like they're saying 'Ha! Your tariffs are about as effective as Zapp Brannigan's battle strategies!' And that's sayin' something.

The Numbers Game (Boring But Necessary)

So the official data shows that cumulative profits at major industrial firms climbed 3% in April. 3%! After a whole lotta shrinking in the third quarter of last year. I know numbers. My eye is the only thing rolling believe me. But even I can see this is kinda a big deal. Especially since everyone and their mother (especially Trump's) thought those tariffs would cripple 'em.

Trade Truce or Trade... What Was That Thing Fry Ate?

Remember that awful egg salad sandwich Fry ate from that truck stop toilet? That's kinda what this trade truce feels like. Both sides agreed to lower most of those tariffs after a meeting in Geneva. The US tariffs on Chinese goods are down to 51.1% while China's levies on US imports are at 32.6%. Still high but better than 145%! I guess even Bender would rather have a 51.1% shot of booze than nothin' at all.

Manufacturing Blues (and Reds)

Not all's rosy though. China's manufacturing activity fell more than expected hitting a 16 month low. The purchasing managers' index slid into contractionary territory. Basically they're not making as much stuff. Retail sales also slowed down. Seems like folks aren't buying as much as they used to. Maybe they're all saving up for Bender's next bender sized purchase?

Exports: The Good The Bad and The Southeast Asian

Exports to the US took a nosedive falling over 21%. Ouch! But overall exports surged 8.1% because they're shipping more stuff to Southeast Asian nations. So it's like they lost one eye and gained two...or something like that. Look analogies aren't my strong suit okay? I only have one eye!

Stay Tuned Meatbags!

This is breaking news so things could change faster than Fry's love life. I'll keep you updated assuming I don't get distracted by a giant space slug or something. Until then remember: 'Shut up and take my money!'...or maybe not depending on how this whole trade war thing plays out.