Holy Zoidberg! House Republicans Barely Pass Trump's Tax Bill: Will it Save the Planet Express?

Close Call Like When Fry Almost Dated Amy!

Good News everyone! Or maybe not. Looks like those Republicans in the House barely managed to shove through President Trump's tax bill. I'm talkin' a 215 214 vote! Two Republicans actually voted against it and one chickened out with a 'present' vote. It was tighter than Fry's pants after eating a dozen Krill Dog. This bill is supposed to be a big win for the GOP but even I with my one eye can see trouble brewing.

A Thousand Pages of Confusion: More Complicated Than My Dating Life

This bill is longer than Bender's search history – over a thousand pages! Plus 42 pages of amendments! It's like trying to navigate the sewers of Old New York. They crammed in all sorts of stuff to try and keep everyone happy from moderates to those hardline conservatives. Apparently they spent the last two months cooking this thing up and the last two days throwing in last minute changes. Sounds like a typical day at Planet Express if you ask me.

The Senate: Where Bills Go to Die (Maybe)

But hold your horses folks. This thing still has to get through the Senate and that's where things get tricky. They're gonna use something called 'budget reconciliation,' which means they only need a simple majority instead of the usual 60 votes. Easier? Maybe. But several Republican senators are already saying they want to make some major changes before they'll vote for it. It's like trying to get Zapp Brannigan to follow orders – good luck with that!

Sweetening the Deal: SALT Medicaid and the Kitchen Sink

So what's in this Frankenstein's monster of a bill? Well they moved up the timeline for work requirements for Medicaid which the conservatives love. But they also increased the cap on deductions for state and local taxes – you know SALT – from $10,000 to $40,000. That's a win for folks in places like New York. It's all about giving everyone a little something like when Professor Farnsworth tries to invent a device that benefits everyone but ends up creating sentient garbage.

Trump's Promises: Permanent Tax Cuts and Tip Freedom!

The whole shebang is supposed to deliver on Trump's promises like making his 2017 tax cuts permanent and getting rid of taxes on tips. Free tips? Bender would love that! But wait a minute... the Congressional Budget Office says this bill will actually decrease resources for the poorest folks while increasing them for the richest! That's about as fair as a Robot Devil's contract.

Markets Tumble: Is the Economy Going to the Slump?

And to top it all off the markets are freaking out because they think this bill will lead to exploding deficits. The yield on the 30 year Treasury bond is going up like crazy. I don't pretend to understand any of that stuff but it sounds bad. Real bad. Like 'Leela you're the only competent one save us!' bad. So will this tax bill save the day or is it just another step towards the heat death of the universe? Only time will tell. But one thing's for sure: I'm keeping my eye on this one like a hawk... or well like a cyclops.