Holy Tax Exemption, Batman! New IRS Boss Promises No Political Monkey Business (But We'll See)

Incoming!

Alright meatbags Leela here reporting live from... well not exactly live. More like 'recorded for your future amusement or potential outrage.' Seems President 'Make Earth Great Again' Trump has nominated some fella named Billy Long to run the IRS. An IRS Commissioner! I know! He used to be an auctioneer and politician which sounds like a recipe for either high stakes bidding wars over used spaceships or a complete bureaucratic nightmare. Buckle up people!

Trump's Fingerprints All Over This One

So apparently the Senate's been giving Long the third degree about whether Trump can just boss the IRS around like it's his own personal robot servant. Senator Elizabeth Warren the one who's not afraid to ask the tough questions wanted to know if Trump could just up and revoke Harvard University's tax exempt status. That's like trying to Fry Leela in a deep fryer – the damage would be deep. Long waffled saying he wouldn't let anyone tell him to start an audit for 'political reasons.' Yeah right. As if anyone in politics actually *means* what they say. Why not Zoidberg? "Hooray! People are paying attention to me!"

Questionable Tax Credits: Smells Like a Scam!

Senator Ron Wyden another one of those senator types grilled Long about promoting some 'pandemic era employee retention tax credit.' Apparently it's been a goldmine for companies trying to bamboozle small businesses. Long claims he didn't say everyone qualified just 'virtually everyone.' Well I’ll just add it to my list of “reasons why my eye twitches” when dealing with the government! And these so called "tribal tax credits" that the IRS says don't even exist? Sounds like a job for the Planet Express crew.

Republicans to the Rescue! (Or Are They?)

While the Democrats were busy making Long sweat the Republicans decided to ask about 'taxpayer service.' You know the kind that usually involves waiting on hold for 400 years and then being told you owe more money. Committee Chairman Mike Crapo (R Idaho) and the other Republicans seem to think Long could be the IRS's savior. I'll believe it when I see Bender volunteering to pay his taxes. "Bite my shiny metal ass!"

Direct File: The Future of Not So Free Filing?

Apparently the IRS has been trying to upgrade its customer service technology and even offer a free filing program called 'Direct File.' Long says he'll take a look at it calling it 'one of the hottest topics at the IRS.' Hot as in 'about to explode in a fiery mess of paperwork?' Or hot as in 'actually helpful for taxpayers?' Only time will tell. All I know is I'm not holding my breath.

An Unconventional Pick: As If We Needed More Oddballs

Some former IRS bigwig called Long an 'unconventional pick.' Duh! I mean has anyone seen an auctioneer running the IRS before? It's like putting Zoidberg in charge of a hospital! But apparently Long's time in Congress might give him some 'credibility' with the people in charge. Let's hope he uses that 'credibility' to actually help people instead of lining his own pockets unlike a certain former Professor.