Holy Pilot, Batman! U.S. Air Traffic Control Finally Gets a Makeover!

Good News Everyone! It's About Time!

Alright meatbags Leela here reporting live (well kinda live since I'm writing this) on some actually decent news for once. Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy (whoever THAT is) is finally getting around to fixing the U.S. air traffic control system. Apparently it's so old it probably still uses vacuum tubes and carrier pigeons. And let me tell you having dodged my fair share of space debris and the occasional rogue Planet Express ship I'm all for making the skies a bit safer. Even if it means less excitement for yours truly.

Tens of Billions? That's a Lotta Slurm!

Duffy's saying this whole shebang is gonna cost 'tens of billions' of dollars. Tens of billions! That's more money than Bender's stolen from every bank in New New York combined! And they're estimating three to four years to get it done? That's like a whole Nibblonian lifespan! What are they gonna do with all that cash? Hopefully they'll invest in better radar systems so I can finally tell the difference between a flock of seagulls and a fleet of Omicronian warships. Although a little excitement never hurt anyone... except for that one guy who got eaten by a space whale. But that's another story.

Out With the Old In With the Slightly Less Old!

The plan is to replace ancient radar systems (thank goodness!) install anti collision tarmac technology (about time!) and build new air traffic control centers. Sounds impressive right? They're even expanding the ADS B network which is supposed to give real time aircraft traffic info. Maybe now I can finally avoid those pesky collisions with Zoidberg's dumpster ship. Woop woop woop!

Near Misses and Missed Opportunities

Apparently there's been a recent spike in near misses and even a catastrophic crash. As someone who's narrowly avoided becoming space dust more times than I can count on one eye I can sympathize. It's about time someone took action before we have another 'fry' situation on our hands (pun intended... I'm here all week!). Relatives of those killed in that January mid air collision were there at the announcement! This is a matter of safety for everyone whether you're flying a commercial plane or a rickety old delivery ship.

Where's the Crew? Air Traffic Controllers Needed!

Turns out they're short 3,500 air traffic controllers! That's like a whole fleet of Planet Express crews missing in action! Duffy wants new incentives to boost hiring which I think is a great idea. Maybe they should offer free Slurm Loco with every shift. That oughta get the robots interested. And maybe a lifetime supply of eye drops for the rest of us. You know help those with only one eye.

Trumped Up Plans and Housekeeping

So it turns out that back in 2017 President Donald Trump (from back when we traveled back in time and met everyone) had this crazy idea to privatize air traffic control but Congress didn't bite. Smart move Congress! Now everyone's scrambling for funding with airlines and others wanting around $31 billion and some House panel offering $12.5 billion. Let's hope they get their act together and cough up the dough. I'd hate to see another near miss especially if I'm on board. Because if I go who's gonna save the world? Again?