Holy Guacamole! Ackman's Building a Real Estate Death Star!

Good News Everyone! Another Billionaire Scheme!

Alright alright alright! Leela here reporting live from... well wherever they let me plug in my portable news terminal. Turns out some Earthican named Bill Ackman who I guess is a big shot in the money world just dropped a whopping $900 million on a real estate company called Howard Hughes. Why? To become the next Warren Buffett apparently. I bet he's got a closet full of fancy ties already. Good for him maybe he can buy me a decent eye wash station.

A Whale Biologist Walks Into a Real Estate Deal...

So this Pershing Square which I assume isn't actually square (or owned by Persians) is buying 9 million new shares of Howard Hughes. That's like buying 9 million Krill they are everywhere! This makes their stake almost half the company! Meaning Ackman can now boss around Howard Hughes more than Zoidberg bosses around the dumpster. And that's saying something! "Wubba wubba!"

Modern Day Berkshire Hathaway? More Like Modern Day Headaches!

Ackman wants to turn Howard Hughes into a 'modern day Berkshire Hathaway'. Oh brother. I've seen better plans hatched by Bender after a few too many Olde Fortran malt liquors. But hey if it involves building a giant robot that can crush smaller robots I'm in! Just don't expect me to understand any of the financial jargon. It's all 'blah blah future blah blah money' to my one good eye.

Executive Chairman? Sounds Like a Pain in the Tentacle!

Not only is Ackman throwing money around like it's going out of style but he's also becoming the Executive Chairman of Howard Hughes. Sounds important right? It probably just means he gets to sit in a fancier chair and yell at people. Also some other guy named Ryan Israel gets a fancy title too. Meanwhile I'm still trying to get a raise so I can afford a new pair of boots. This is why I can't have nice things!

Show Me the Money! (Or at Least the Quarterly Fees)

Get this! Howard Hughes is going to pay Pershing Square a quarterly base fee of $3.75 million! And a management fee on top of that! That's enough to buy a lifetime supply of Slurm Loco! I guess it pays to be in the 'money club.' I bet they have secret handshakes and everything. I tried to join once but they said I didn't have enough 'capital'. Whatever that means.

Voting Power? More Like Over Powering!

And the kicker? Pershing Square will limit its voting power to 40%. So they can control almost everything but pretend they're not? That's classic Earthican politics! It's like when Zapp Brannigan 'limits' his use of lethal force... right before accidentally blowing up a planet. Remember always question authority! Especially when they're wielding billions of dollars and fancy titles. Over and out!