Good News Everyone! Xbox Prices Soar Higher Than Bender's Bar Tab!

Fry's Bank Account Feeling the Heat!

Alright alright settle down meatbags! Leela here reporting live from the Planet Express news desk (aka my cramped apartment). Microsoft in a move that's about as surprising as Bender stealing beer has announced they're hiking up the prices on their Xbox consoles and some fancy controllers. Seems like even in the 31st century those pesky 'market conditions' are still messing with our ability to afford virtual adventures. Apparently those 'sweeping tariffs' from back in the day are still biting us in the butt. As if I needed another reason to be annoyed at the past!

More Expensive Than a Date With Zapp Brannigan!

Microsoft claims they 'understand that these changes are challenging.' Yeah well so is understanding why Zapp Brannigan is still in command. They're blaming it on 'market conditions' and 'rising cost of development.' Translation: Making video games is harder than teaching Amy to drive and they need more clams. Don't worry though they're still 'focused on offering more ways to play more games.' I just hope those ways don't involve selling my kidney on the black market.

Everyone's Doing It! (Except Maybe Mom)

It's not just Microsoft either. Nintendo and Sony are also jumping on the price hike bandwagon. Nintendo's rolling out a souped up Switch 2 that costs more than a Professor Farnsworth invention and Sony's making their disc free PlayStation 5 pricier in Europe. Even PlayStation Plus that subscription service that lets you frag noobs online is costing more! At this rate playing video games will be a luxury only rich robot tycoons can afford.

The Numbers Game: Ouch!

Let's break it down shall we? The Xbox Series S is jumping from $299.99 to $379.99! That's like a whole extra tank of dark matter fuel! The Xbox Series X is going from $499.99 to $599.99. And that special edition controller? A whopping $79.99! At least it doesn't require me to use my eye to play "Shut up and take my money!"

Call of Duty: More Like Call of Broke!

And get this: the price of some new games is going up to $79.99! Back in '23 they were already charging $70 for major titles. All this because games are apparently getting more expensive to make especially since Microsoft bought Activision Blizzard for a butt ton of money. Turns out that *Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War* cost over $700 million to develop! No wonder they're squeezing every last dollar out of us poor gamers.

Shiny Metal Sales!

On the bright side (if you can call it that) Microsoft claims that *Call of Duty* and *Minecraft* sales are up. So at least someone's making money. Meanwhile I'm stuck here wondering if I should sell my hover cycle to afford the new *Grand Theft Spaceship XII*. Decisions decisions...