Good News, Everyone! Tech Stocks Soar Higher Than Hermes Conrad's Limbo Skills!

A Week of Not So Dark Matter

Alright meatbags Leela here reporting live from the year 3024… Wait no still 2024. But things in the tech world have been crazier than a Bender binge! It seems like the U.S. and China have finally decided to stop bickering like Fry and Zoidberg over the last anchovy pizza. And get this: that orange skinned Earth President fellow was gallivanting around the Middle East makin' deals faster than you can say 'Shut up and take my money!' Which coincidentally is what I'd like to say to Elon Musk for more boots.

Tesla and Nvidia: Going Up Up and Away!

Tesla and Nvidia stocks went up like Fry's IQ when he's near a Brain Slug. We're talkin' jumps of 17% and 16% respectively! Seems the tariff truce and deals over in that desert planet (not Tatooine sadly) helped a whole bunch. Even I could make money on that and I once invested my life savings in a Slurm vending machine!

Chip Chip Hooray for AI Deals!

Nvidia's CEO Jensen Huang who looks like he's ready to sell me a used spaceship any day is planning to sell a boatload – over 18,000 – of those fancy Blackwell AI chips to some company in Saudi Arabia called Humain. Apparently they need 'em for data centers. Sounds like a good way to justify buying a whole lot of chips if you ask me! The AMD went up like professor Farnsworth after drinking too much coffee. It's like that old saying: 'When life gives you lemons sell them for a profit!'

Elon's Space Oddity in the Desert

And speaking of strange things happening in the desert Elon Musk that guy who's always one step away from turning Earth into a real life Zapp Brannigan adventure was also hanging out in Saudi Arabia. He got the go ahead to use his Starlink satellite internet for planes and boats. Plus he's planning to bring robotaxis to the country. Robotaxis? What could possibly go wrong? I hope they're programmed to avoid Bender's drunken rampages.

AI Campus: A Skynet in the Making?

Apparently the White House and a bunch of U.S. companies are teaming up to build a massive AI campus in the United Arab Emirates. Nvidia's rumored to be involved. Sounds like the kind of thing that could lead to a robot uprising but hey at least it'll be entertaining! Reminds me of that time Bender tried to take over Planet Express. Good times good times.

Easing Up on Chip Export Curbs

And here's the kicker: that other Earth President the older one is thinking about loosening the rules on selling AI chips to China. Apparently Nvidia's making a cool $5.5 billion from those chips. Their CEO said China's AI market could be worth $50 billion in a couple of years so they don't want to miss out. I guess even world domination takes a backseat to making a buck... or fifty billion.