Good News Everyone! Cramer Says the Economy Might Not Be as Doomed as Zoidberg's Career!

S&P 500: Not Dead Yet!

Alright meatbags Leela here your one eyed purveyor of truth. So the S&P 500 is apparently fighting its way back from the abyss despite some doofus at ADP messing up the payroll numbers. Cramer's saying this ADP snafu could make the Fed lower interest rates. I don't know about you but anything that keeps Zoidberg from pawning his shell is a win in my book! Still Cramer and his pal Jeff Marks are saying to hold your horses before betting your Bender Bending Rodriguez Bank account on it until we see the official U.S. government numbers. Classic Professor Farnsworth am I right? 'Good news everyone!'

Trump Makes a Deal (Maybe?)

President Trump decided to tweet er Truth Social about a trade deal with Vietnam. Figures right? The guy announces trade deals faster than Bender can polish his shiny metal ass. Apparently it happened during Cramer's Morning Meeting so they didn't even get to talk about it. Talk about a missed opportunity. I bet that trade deal involves tons of Slurm...

Nvidia's Back Baby!

Remember when Nvidia took a nosedive faster than Fry trying to understand quantum physics? Well Cramer says it's bouncing back! Up 2% after a 3% drop. He's calling it 'opportunity knocking.' Which reminds me I should probably check if Fry's knocked anything over in the Planet Express office again. It's like he's trying to make me go 'Wumba!'

Capital One: Making Bank Like Hermes Conrad

Capital One is apparently on a winning streak. Cramer's baffled it was ever low in the first place. They didn't raise dividends like Goldman Sachs and Wells Fargo but Cramer thinks Capital One CEO Richard Fairbank could turn it into a rival to American Express. Maybe they'll start offering a 'Doop' card soon? I'd sign up for that especially if it came with bonus Slurm.

Rapid Fire Round: Stocks Stocks Everywhere!

Cramer rattled off some stocks faster than Hermes counts his paperwork. We're talking Constellation Brands Centene Ross Stores Netflix and Adobe. Don't ask me what any of that means. I just drive the ship okay? Although Netflix is alright as long as their shows aren't as bad as that time Fry rewrote all of Earth's television programming.

Cramer's Rules: Don't Say I Didn't Warn You!

And remember folks Cramer's got rules. He waits 45 minutes after sending a trade alert before making a move himself. If he's been blabbing about a stock on TV he waits 72 hours after the alert. So don't come crying to me if you lose your shirt. Unless you're a nudist then I guess it's your hide. Also the investing club information is subject to terms and conditions. Remember no profit is guaranteed. Take it from me the one eyed chick who's seen it all: investing is a gamble. Just like life in the 31st century! Now if you'll excuse me I have a package to deliver to Omicron Persei 8. Hopefully it's not anchovies...