Dollar General Stock: Analyst Says 'Shut Up and Take My Money!'

Good News Everyone! (Maybe)

Alright meatbags Leela here reporting on something called 'the stock market.' Apparently some Earthican named Robert Ohmes at the Bank of America thinks Dollar General is about to make it rain... money that is. He bumped up his price target which for you non finance types means he thinks their stock is going to jump higher than Zoidberg when someone mentions shellfish. And he even said to buy their stock! I hope this means cheaper eye drops.

Discount? I'll Take Two!

Ohmes (not to be confused with Omicron Persei 8's ruler Lrrr) claims the stock's currently undervalued which is like saying Zoidberg's hygiene is underrated. He believes any competitive risks are already factored in. 'Woooob woob woob!' Zoidberg's take on risk assessment. Plus with other stores closing down Dollar General's poised to grab those customers faster than Bender grabs a beer.

Back to Basics? Sounds Like Fry's Laundry Routine

Apparently Dollar General's got a 'back to basics' strategy working for them. I'm guessing that means fewer singing trout and more generic brand toilet paper. Ohmes seems confident this is the way to go which is more than I can say for Fry's attempts at 'basics' like laundry. Remember that time he used Professor Farnsworth's experimental growth serum as detergent? Yikes.

Walmart vs. Dollar General: A Retail Rumble

Now some naysayers are pointing to Walmart's 'outperformance,' whatever that means. But Ohmes argues Dollar General's lower prices and online presence will give them an edge. It's like comparing Hermes Conrad's bureaucratic efficiency to a pile of paperwork – there's just no contest. Plus price gaps make all the difference. As Bender would say 'I'm going to build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers! In fact forget the park!'

Numbers Numbers Everywhere!

Ohmes predicts $1.40 in adjusted earnings per share and a 1% bump in sales. All I hear is 'blah blah blah numbers.' What really matters is whether they'll start stocking decent shampoo. Seriously the options are either 'mystery scent' or 'asbestos infused.' And they better get some eye drops if I'm going to invest!

Dollar General: The Comeback Kid?

The stock's apparently up over 32% this year. Good for them. Maybe they can use some of that profit to finally fix that flickering lightbulb in Aisle 5. Anyway if you're into this kind of thing keep an eye on Dollar General's earnings report on June 3rd. And remember 'When you do things right people won’t be sure you’ve done anything at all.' God