Victory is Mine! S&P 500 Poised for World Domination (Recession Be Damned)!

The Inevitable Rise of...the Stock Market!

Good heavens have you seen the S&P 500? It's practically frolicking towards its record high! Ned Davis Research seems to think only a recession could stop it. But let's be honest recessions are for the weak. As strategist Joe Kalish so eloquently put it a new low 'would likely require a recession call.' Well I say pip pip cheerio to that! I haven't foreseen a recession and my foresight is only rivaled by my genius in developing death rays!

Tariffs and Tantrums: Global Conflicts Shmlobal Conflicts!

Apparently some nincompoops are worried about tariffs and a 'brewing conflict in the Middle East.' As if such petty squabbles could derail my plans...I mean the market's trajectory. The U.S. economy remains 'on solid ground,' you see. And who needs peace when you have industrial production nearly reaching an all time high? Victory is mine...ours! I mean *ours*.

May Flowers and May Jobs: The Month of Miracles!

The Labor Department those delightful busybodies announced that 139,000 jobs were added in May. More than expected mind you. That's more minions for me... for the economy! It's like that time Brian thought he was a cat. Utterly ridiculous yet strangely effective.

Bear Markets? More Like Barely There!

Oh the S&P 500 nearly entered bear market territory? How melodramatic! It fell 18.9% from its high. A mere blip! Reminds me of the time I tried to conquer the world with time travel. A small setback but ultimately I'm still here aren't I? The market is a 'leading indicator,' apparently. Meaning it's following *my* lead.

Cracks in the Foundation...Or Just Chinks in the Armor?

Alright alright so housing starts and retail sales took a bit of a nosedive. And this Israel Iran business could 'dampen investor sentiment.' But so what if investors need a little pick me up? Maybe they should try a stiff gin and tonic. It works for me. A minor setback is a major setup for an even bigger comeback!

Mondelez: The Snack That Smiles Back (to the Bank)!

And what's this? Wells Fargo upgraded Mondelez! Because they're one of the best! Analyst Chris Carey spouts something about 'superior long term growth' and 'share gains.' Sounds like my kind of company! Though perhaps they could invest in more sophisticated weaponry... for market dominance of course.