Trump's Trade Tantrum! Is Cambodia Really Paying the Price?

Blast These Tariffs!

Good heavens have you heard the latest outrage? Apparently President Trump – a man who let's be honest probably struggles to tie his own shoes without assistance – has decided to slap Cambodia with the highest tariff rate in his new trade plan. The audacity! The goal supposedly is to bring manufacturing back to the U.S. as if Americans are itching to sew sweatpants all day. I mean really? As if!

Sweatpants and Existential Crises

According to some 'trade group'—I'm sure they're a barrel of laughs at parties—this is causing an 'existential crisis' for Cambodian factories. Honestly do these people even know what 'existential' means? It's a factory not a philosophical treatise! But I digress. The point is these tariffs aren't going to magically teleport those factories to America. I suspect those blighters are thinking of moving operations elsewhere somewhere delightful like Egypt or sub Saharan Africa. Though I would like to see Cambodia being brought to its knees... maybe I'll put this on my list

No New Orders? Oh the Drama!

And the drama doesn't end there! Apparently no one's placing new orders in Cambodia. Quelle horreur! Everyone's 'facing uncertainty' and wants to 'wait a bit to see how the dust settles.' Honestly it sounds like a soap opera for economists. I need a stiff drink just thinking about it perhaps a martini shaken not stirred. Not that the imbeciles at the Drunken Clam would know the difference.

Under Armour and the Usual Suspects

Now who are the usual suspects in this Cambodian caper? We're talking Under Armour Adidas Dollar General and even Hugo Boss. It's a regular who's who of brands that probably couldn't find Cambodia on a map. And what do they import? Everything from garments to bicycles to kitchen cabinets. It's a veritable cornucopia of consumerism all about to get a whole lot more expensive thanks to this tangerine toned buffoon in office!

Supply Chains and Executive Decisions (or Lack Thereof)

Some fellow named Andrei Quinn Barabanov (honestly where do they get these names?) from Moody's says that even if companies manufacture as cheaply as possible moving supply chains is a 'major investment.' You don't say! It's like saying water is wet or Brian is an idiot. And with all this uncertainty executives are apparently paralyzed with indecision. Honestly I've seen more decisive action from a bowl of jelly.

A Tragic Panic Darling Simply Tragic

So what's the bottom line? This tariff business is a mess. It's not bringing jobs back to America it's potentially devastating the Cambodian economy and it's going to make your back to school shopping a nightmare. As some poor fellow named Barnett put it 'Cambodia is between a rock and a hard place.' Well isn't that just peachy? Time to go invent a time machine and undo this entire blunder assuming I can get Brian to stop drooling on the flux capacitor. Oh the humanity!