Trump's Tariff Tantrum Sent Markets Tumbling! Should You Hide Under the Covers or Pounce Like a Cheetah?!

Bloody Hell What's All This Fuss About?

Right so apparently this orange faced buffoon Trump decided to play economic hopscotch with tariffs and the market threw a tantrum worthy of Rupert. We saw the Dow Jones take a nosedive faster than Brian after a bottle of cheap Chardonnay. Honestly the drama! But fear not my financially astute comrades because yours truly Stewie Griffin is here to break it down. After a brief period of economic mayhem the market bounced back like Mort Goldman after a successful claim on a fraudulent insurance policy. The question is should you have panicked and sold everything like Peter trying to return a faulty TV or should you have stayed the course? Let's see shall we?

Stick to the Plan You Idiots!

According to these 'financial advisors' – people who probably wear sensible shoes and eat kale – the key is to 'stick to your plan.' Apparently knee jerk reactions are about as useful as Quagmire at a nun convention. One Blair duQuesnay (sounds frightfully French doesn't it?) said this whole mess is a 'textbook example' of why you should stick to the plan which is as exciting as watching paint dry. But she does have a point. If you're investing for the long haul don't let a little tariff turbulence throw you off course. Unless of course you're planning to use that money to build a time machine. Then by all means panic.

Take a Deep Breath and Re Evaluate Your Life (and Your Portfolio)

To avoid losing your tiny mind during these economic freakouts you need a long term financial plan. Make sure your assets are allocated according to your goals. If you're heavily invested in stocks prepare for some volatility. It's like dating Lois; sometimes it's thrilling sometimes it's… well you know. A Vanguard analysis showed that a portfolio of only stocks can have some wild swings. But a balanced portfolio with a mix of stocks and bonds can smooth things out. It's all about managing risk darling. Just like managing Peter's access to the internet.

Fear of Missing Out? More Like Fear of Messing Up!

Apparently some investors were experiencing FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) after the strong market returns of 2023 and 2024. They regretted reducing their risk too soon. But as Rafia Hasan points out those higher yields on fixed income are quite tempting. It's like choosing between a plate of perfectly cooked lobster and a plate of… well whatever Peter is eating this week. It's tempting to chase those high returns but sometimes a little stability is just what the doctor ordered. Unless you're seeing Dr. Elmer Hartman in which case run for the hills.

Cash is King (or Queen Depending on Your Preference)

Don't forget about your short term cash! Right now you can get a decent return just by holding cash in a money market fund. But make sure you have a plan for that cash. Rachel Elson had a client who wanted to reinvest 'extra cash' back into the market forgetting it was earmarked for a bathroom remodel. Imagine! Investing your bathroom remodel money in stocks and ending up with a leaky toilet and a portfolio full of regret. You should have at least three to six months of expenses saved in cash for emergencies. Because you never know when Peter will accidentally set the house on fire again.

Don't Be A Sequence of Returns Risk Brian

For those nearing retirement "sequence of returns risk" is a big deal. If you start withdrawing from your retirement funds during a market downturn you could end up with less money in the long run. Jeffrey Levine suggests avoiding inflation adjustments to your withdrawals during those down years. It's like telling Brian he can't have his usual martini; it's painful but it might extend the life of your portfolio. Small changes can prevent drastic measures. After all drastic measures rarely work unless you're trying to eliminate the entire population using my freeze ray in which case they work brilliantly.