The WHO Just Did WHAT to Prepare for the Next Pandemic?! You Won't BELIEVE It!

Good Lord! A Pandemic Pact?!

Right then listen up you simpering buffoons! It appears the World Health Organization or WHO as the plebs call it has finally pulled its collective head out of its posterior and decided to prepare for the inevitable next global plague. You know because the last one was such a smashing success! Honestly you'd think humanity would learn. It's like watching Brian attempt to write a sonnet – utter predictable failure.

Pathogen Access Darling? Sounds Risky!

Apparently this 'legally binding pact,' as they so dramatically put it involves things like sharing pathogens and building research capacities. Oh splendid! More opportunities for some bumbling scientist to accidentally unleash a super virus upon us all. It's like giving Lois a credit card – guaranteed disaster! Although I suppose this time it won't just be my inheritance that's in jeopardy.

A Supply Chain? What is this Amazon for Plagues?

A global supply chain and logistics network? For health crises? Are they planning to deliver ventilators by drone? Perhaps a subscription service for anti virals? The possibilities are both terrifying and… strangely intriguing. Maybe I should invest. Imagine the profit margins! As they say the early bird gets the worm. In this case the worm is a rapidly spreading highly contagious deadly virus.

Trump's Tantrum: Good Riddance!

Ah yes the Americans. Ever the beacon of reason and international cooperation aren't they? Of course the orange buffoon Trump decided to pull the U.S. out of the WHO talks. Honestly sometimes I think that man exists solely to give me an aneurysm. But let them wallow in their isolation. As Nina Schwalbe so eloquently put it with or without them the world continues. Though I do wonder what will happen with Biden in the charge now.

Multilateralism? More Like Multilateral Boredom!

Multilateralism they call it. Sounds frightfully dull. All those nations sitting around a table endlessly debating the minutiae of global health policy. I'd rather watch Mort Goldman floss his teeth. At least that has a certain… grotesque fascination. But if it stops the next virus from wiping us out then... fine carry on you boring lot.

So What Now? Prepare for Utter Chaos!

So the WHO has its pact. The world is (allegedly) safer. But let's be honest darling it's only a matter of time before the next catastrophe. And when it arrives I fully expect the usual level of incompetence panic and general societal breakdown. I of course will be safely ensconced in my bunker sipping vintage champagne and plotting my global domination. Because really what else is there to do?