P&G Stock: Good Giggity or Utter Rubbish? Stewie Griffin's Take

A Reset? More Like a Cataclysmic Event

Oh good heavens! Apparently Procter & Gamble – the purveyor of such life altering necessities as toilet paper and razors – has had a bit of a tumble. RBC Capital Markets in their infinite wisdom believes this is a 'clearing event.' A clearing event? Sounds rather…dramatic. Are we talking biblical proportions here? Perhaps a plague of slightly less absorbent Charmin? Nik Modi some bloke upgraded the stock. Personally I'd rather upgrade my laser collection.

Gillette and Tariffs: A Match Made in…Heck?

So P&G in their infinite wisdom blame tariffs and a 'consumer slowdown' for their less than stellar forecast. Tariffs you say? Reminds me of the time I tried to impose a 'diaper tax' on Rupert. Didn't go down too well I can assure you. And a consumer slowdown? Are people finally realizing they don't need 47 different types of shampoo? Blasphemy I say! I use at least 12... for my schemes of course.

Long Term Outlook: Hope or Hokum?

This Modi fellow seems rather optimistic claiming P&G has the 'right management team and capabilities.' Honestly all I need is Bertram and I can take over the world! Well the management team and capabilities might be able to deal with the 'complexity and dynamic nature of the environment' but can they outsmart a diabolical genius trapped in a baby's body? I think not!

Market Share Gains: Slowing? Not on My Watch!

Apparently P&G's market share gains have 'slowed.' Slowed?! Inconceivable! I shall personally invest in a hostile takeover of the entire company. Imagine Stewie Griffin branded diapers. The sheer marketing potential is staggering! As P&G's CEO told CNBC about the tariffs ‘potential price hikes would occur in the next fiscal year’ let's just hope they don't raise the prices of diapers!

Wall Street's Verdict: A Chorus of 'Meh'?

Wall Street that den of vipers and…accountants seems cautiously optimistic. A bunch of analysts rate P&G a 'buy' or 'strong buy,' while others are playing it safe with a 'hold.' Sounds like a group of indecisive ninnies to me. Brian would be more decisive if he was drunk which come to think of it he probably is right now.

CNBC Pro LIVE: A Gathering of the Financially Desperate?

Oh and there's some CNBC Pro LIVE event at the New York Stock Exchange. Interactive 'Pro clinics,' cocktail hour with 'CNBC experts.' Sounds like a delightful opportunity to swindle investors out of their life savings. And the chance to network is going to be filled with more awkward stares than a family dinner at the Swansons! I think I'll stick to plotting world domination in my bedroom. Much more civilized.