Donut Panic! They're Taking Away Our Food Stamps!

Mmm Budget Cuts!

Woohoo! So I heard some fancy pants in Washington want to cut the USDA budget by a HUGE pile of money. Like enough to buy a gazillion donuts! They say it's to pay for tax cuts but I say where's the tax cut for my beer and donut fund?! This is worse than when they cancelled 'Itchy & Scratchy'!

No More Food Stamps? Ay Caramba!

Turns out most of these cuts are gonna come from the SNAP program – you know those food stamps that help people buy groceries? Apparently they want to "right size" the program. Right size?! Sounds like they want to make my stomach smaller and I ain't havin' that! This is an outrage! I need my Krusty Burgers!

Walmart's Woes and Krusty's Dough!

So those big shots at Walmart and Kroger are sweating because SNAP shoppers spend a LOT of dough (not Krusty’s sadly) on groceries. Like 20% more than regular folks! And if people can't afford to buy stuff then where are they going to go? Moe's?! It just might drive them to drink!

No Soda? That's Unpossible!

And get this – some states want to ban using SNAP to buy soda candy and junk food! What?! No Duff?! No Buzz Cola?! That's just unpossible! What are we supposed to drink with our donuts then? Water? Pfft boring!

Inflation? Doh! It Burns!

With prices going up faster than Bart can get into trouble folks are already struggling to afford groceries. And now they wanna take away the food stamps? It’s like they're deliberately trying to make us all yell “D'oh!” and become skinny! Which reminds me I must keep eating to avoid this travesty.

Food Company Follies

If these cuts go through companies like General Mills and Hershey might feel the pinch. Which means less cereal and chocolate for everyone! And that my friends is a tragedy of epic proportions. Time to stock up on donuts – you know just in case! I have to ensure I have enough to bribe Smithers I mean to share with the family.