Doh! U.S. Trade Guy Skips Out on China Talks for...Congress?! Mmm, Congress...

Mmm Trade Talks...

Alright folks Homer Simpson here your favorite safety inspector at Sector 7G! I gotta tell ya I heard about these high falutin' trade talks with China and it sounds like a real life version of Itchy & Scratchy. Apparently some big shot U.S. Treasury Secretary a guy named Scott Bessent was yappin' with the Chinese about uh stuff. I think it involves… uh…things!

D'oh! Bessent Bails!

But here's the kicker! This Bessent guy he says "D'oh! Gotta run! I gotta go see some people in Congress." Can you believe it? Leaving perfectly good trade talks… for… Congress? Sounds like a fate worse than being stuck in a donut less dimension! Good thing these other bozos—I mean important people Howard Lutnick and Jamieson Greer—stuck around to keep negotiating. I hope they at least got some free coffee out of it. Mmm coffee…

Rare Earths? Sounds Like a Rock Concert!

Now get this: they're arguing over "rare earths." Sounds like a KISS reunion tour or something! Apparently we wanna sell 'em stuff and they wanna sell us…rocks? I dunno but it sounds like a good deal if it means I get a new TV. My old one's got that weird hum again. “Marge is our house haunted or is it just the TV?”

Export Controls? More Like Donut Controls!

And then there's "export controls." Now that sounds serious! Is that like when Marge tries to limit my donut intake? 'Cause that's just plain wrong! "Marge please! When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better."

Geneva? More Like Gener YUM!

Apparently after some squabbling in Geneva—which sounds like a fancy Swiss chocolate brand—they decided to ease up on the tariffs. Tariffs are like taxes right? And taxes are bad! So easing up sounds like a win for everyone… especially me 'cause I can buy more Duff! "Marge I'm going out to stalk... uh... see Ned!"

Duffman Says... Oh Yeah!

So the Chinese are sending their big shots like Vice Premier He Lifeng Commerce Minister Wang Wentao and some guy named Li Chenggang. Sounds like a law firm! Hopefully they can all figure things out before I have to start rationing my beer. Duffman says: "Oh yeah! Duff Beer for me Duff Beer for you I'll have a Duff you have one too!" This is a breaking news story so check back for more updates... or just go get a donut. I know what I'd prefer. Doh!