Doh! Stocks Go Up, Stocks Go Down, But Cruise Ships Keep Floatin'!

Mmm Cruise Ships!

Woohoo! Carnival that's the one with all the buffets right? They made a whole bunch of money! Apparently more than those smarty pants analysts thought they would. 35 cents a share! That's enough to buy like a whole donut... almost! And because of that everyone's jumpin' on the cruise ship bandwagon. Norwegian Royal Caribbean... even Viking! I bet they all have chocolate fountains! Mmm chocolate fountains...

Uber? More Like 'Doh' ber When I See the Bill!

Uber's doin' good too. Somethin' about robots drivin' cars in Atlanta? Atlanta? Is that near the Android's Dungeon? Anyway robots drivin' sounds like a recipe for disaster! Remember that time I let Otto drive the bus? Yeah... But hey maybe they'll invent a robot that can pour me a Duff at the same time! Hehehe...

Airlines Fly High on Peace... and Cheap Gas!

Airlines are soaring high! Apparently that squabble between Iran and Israel chilled out so oil prices went down. Less expensive gas means more money for peanuts am I right? Frontier Alaska Air American... they're all gettin' a piece of the pie! I just hope they don't start chargin' extra for air... that'd be a real 'doh!' moment.

Uh Oh! Advance Auto Parts... Needs an Advance!

Aw nuts! Looks like Advance Auto Parts is in a bit of a pickle. Some fancy pants at Goldman Sachs said they're not doin' so hot. Losing to the competition they say. I hope they don't have to close down! Where else am I gonna get that fuzzy dice for my car? D'oh!

Bitcoin Mining? Sounds Like Hard Work!

CleanSpark is diggin' up Bitcoins like crazy! Something about 'hashrates' and 'exahashes per second.' Sounds complicated. All I know is if they find a real gold coin I want my cut! Maybe I can trade it for a lifetime supply of donuts!

Defense Stocks Take a Dive Woohoo Peace!

Those companies that make bombs and stuff? They're not doin' so good. That ceasefire thingy made them sad. Lockheed Martin RTX Kratos... all droppin' like flies. But hey maybe less bombs means more money for... donuts! D'oh! Plus Visa and Mastercard are doing well so go buy some donuts!