Doh! Should You Sell Your Stocks or Just Eat a Donut?!

Mmm Market Swings...

Woohoo! The market's doing the ol' up and down dance again kinda like me trying to climb the stairs after a few too many Duff beers. These tariff tantrums are making some folks wanna bail but hold on to your hats (and your wallets)! Turns out selling now might be dumber than me trying to build a nuclear reactor in the backyard. And we all know how THAT turned out. Doh!

Bounce Back? Sounds Like a New Krusty Burger!

This fancy pants market strategist Jack Manley says when the market does a nosedive it usually bounces back harder than Bart after one of my… *ahem*… 'motivational talks.' He reckons this sell off is just a prelude to a super duper bounce back. Kinda like when I accidentally invent a new flavor of ice cream by dropping my donut in it. Unexpected but potentially delicious! Mmm forbidden donut...

Best Days Follow the Worst? Sounds Like My Love Life!

Apparently the best market days are usually right after the worst ones like when I accidentally save the day after causing a nuclear meltdown. It's like seven of the best days happen within two weeks of the worst ones. Who knew? Sounds like the stock market's got commitment issues. Maybe it needs therapy… or a donut.

Missing Out Is Worse Than Missing the Last Donut!

So this JPMorgan gang did some math and it turns out if you just sit tight with your investments you'll end up with more money than if you keep running away like a scaredy cat from Comic Book Guy. They say if you put $10,000 in the S&P 500 back in '05 and left it alone till now you'd have a whopping $71,750! But if you missed the best days? You'd be stuck with way less. Doh! Don't be a Simpson...don't miss out!

The Opposite of Staying the Course? Sounds Like My Diet!

They say our brains are wired to run away when things get scary like when Marge threatens to throw out my TV. But this Manley guy says we need to change our thinking. Remember when the S&P 500 hit 6,000? Good times! It'll happen again eventually. Just gotta remember that even after all the wars disasters and pandemics the market always bounces back. It's like me after falling down the stairs – always gets back up... eventually!

Two Years From Now? Will I Have More Donuts?

This other smarty pants Barry Glassman asks his clients 'Two years from now will the market be higher?' If they say yes he tells them to chill out. Good advice! And if you're worried just remember why you invested in the first place. Is it for retirement? Then you gotta think long term! Don't go selling everything that's just plain crazy! Just keep your eye on the prize... more donuts!