D'oh! Homer's Guide to Stocks: From Donuts to Dow Jones!

Home Depot: More Like Home DEE Licious!

Mmm Home Depot... sounds like a place with lots of wood to build stuff... like a bigger TV stand! Apparently their stocks are up 'cause people are buying more hammers and nails. They even said they won't raise prices because of tariffs which means... cheaper wood! Woohoo! Maybe I can finally build that donut shaped doghouse for Santa's Little Helper. Doh gotta remember to buy the right screws this time.

AMD: Advanced... Mostly Dead?

So AMD sold some server thingy for $3 billion. Three BILLION! That's like a million donuts! But some nerd wanted $5 billion. Pfft picky picky. They wanted to compete with... Nvidia? Is that like some kind of video game company? Eh as long as they don't mess with my Duff supply I don't care. Mmm Duff.

MongoDB: More Like Mongo BLEH!

This MongoDB thingy got downgraded. Something about people not liking their 'Atlas platform'. Sounds boring. Like listening to Lisa practice her saxophone. They even slashed the price target! From $350 to $190! That's like losing all your beer money at Moe's! Doh!

Boeing: Flying High Just Like My Blood Alcohol!

Boeing's price target went UP! They're selling more planes and China's buying 'em again. Woohoo! Sounds like a great time to invest... or maybe just take a really REALLY long nap on one of those planes. Just gotta remember to pack a donut... or twelve.

CATL: Not Just a Hairball!

This CATL company something about batteries had a super successful debut in Hong Kong! Their shares jumped 16%! Sixteen percent! That's like getting 16 donuts for the price of one! If only I knew what they actually did...Eh who cares money is money!

Everything Else: Zzzzzzzz...

The rest of this stuff... eh too complicated. Something about natural gas turbines insurance companies and software companies. All I know is if it ain't donuts Duff or TV I ain't interested. Now if you'll excuse me I hear the ice cream truck!