Ay Caramba! Chipotle's Burritos Are Going Broke!

Mmm Burritos...Wait What?!

D'oh! It's your pal Homer Simpson reporting live from… well my couch. Turns out even delicious burritos aren't safe from the economy! Chipotle the magical land of meaty goodness had a bad quarter. Apparently people aren't buying as many burritos and bowls. Can you believe it? It's like saying no to donuts! What is happening to the world!

Rainy Days and Empty Bellies

The big shots at Chipotle are blaming it on the weather. Weather? Seriously? I mean I get it a blizzard is a perfectly good excuse to stay inside and eat… donuts. But burritos? They're portable! They're delicious! And they're not donuts… but still! Maybe people should try eating their burrito IN the rain it’ll be more adventurous. This just in; Lenny says that maybe people aren’t coming because they are saving up for Blinky the three eyed fish.

Transaction Trauma!

So get this: sales went down like 0.4%! That's like only getting 99 donuts instead of 100! A tragedy! They say folks just ain't visitin' as much. But the ones who do are buyin' bigger meals huh seems like the “all you can eat buffet” excuse has been working for many of us! I for one intend to do my part in raising those sales one burrito at a time. Maybe it is time to invest in the “gut buster” burrito you can’t go wrong with a bit of novelty!

CEO Babble... Or is it Burrito Babble?

Some guy named Scott Boatwright (sounds like a pirate's snack) is saying they have a 'strong plan' to fix things. He's talkin' 'bout 'value proposition' and 'innovation'. Sounds like Marge's fancy book club talk! All I heard was 'blah blah blah more burritos soon.' I am worried! If these guys go broke I’m gonna be really mad! And you don’t want to see me when I’m mad… or hungry!

The Future is Cloudy (With a Chance of Burritos?)

They're still gonna build more Chipotles which is good! More locations for me to… I mean for everyone to enjoy! But they're not as sure about how much the sales will grow. Low single digits they're sayin'. Whatever that means it better mean MORE BURRITOS for the same amount of money. If not I’m taking my business to Krusty Burger! Or maybe even… gasp… salad!

D'oh nut Forget the Profits!

Despite the doom and gloom they actually made more money than last year. Something about CEO bonuses and fancy accounting. All I know is if they're making money they can afford to put more cheese on my burrito! Mmm cheese… Just make sure you get me that burrito I will be waiting and I do have a very short fuse!