Webull Goes to the Moon! Are You Freakin' Kidding Me?!

Respect My Authoritah! And My Portfolio!

Alright listen up you guys! It's Eric Cartman here reporting live from my freakin' bedroom where I'm trying to figure out how to get richer than Kyle. And guess what? That stupid Webull app the one that's supposed to compete with Robinhood is now worth almost 30 BILLION DOLLARS! Thirty billion! That's more than my entire freakin' Kenny McCormick fortune!

Screw You Guys I'm Going Public!

So apparently Webull did some kind of merger with a SPAC thingy. I don't know what a SPAC is but it sounds like something Kyle would be into. All I know is they made a buttload of money and I'm not happy about it. I should be the one making all the money! It's not fair; I deserve it more than those commie loving sons of bitches.

Stimulus Checks and Stupidity

Apparently people used their stimulus checks during the pandemic to invest in this crap! Seriously? Instead of buying Cheesy Poofs and respecting my authoritah you morons were buying stocks? That's almost as dumb as Kenny getting killed every week. I could have told you dummies that it was gonna fail. Now the price is soaring and those stupid hippies will probably buy a bunch of weed with it. It's not fair!!!!

Commies Runnin' the Show?

And get this there's some sketchy stuff going on with this Webull thing. Some committee is asking questions about their ties to China. Seriously? The Chinese? Are you freakin' kidding me? I knew it! Those guys are always up to something! They're probably behind Kyle's smugness too!

The Cartman App is Coming!

This is a wake up call. I need to get in on this action. I'm gonna start my own stock trading app and it's gonna be the best freakin' app ever! It'll have all the features plus a special 'Respect My Authoritah' button that automatically buys stocks in companies I like. And maybe a Kyle protection button.

Kick Ass and Make Money!

So screw you guys I'm going home and figuring out how to get my hands on some of that sweet sweet Webull money. And if that doesn't work I'm blaming Kyle. He's always ruining everything!