Screw the Economy Sports Betting is Making Me Rich Bitch!

Respect My Authoritah... and My Investments!

Alright listen up you guys! Eric Cartman here and let me tell you something: you're all a bunch of dumbasses. While you're all cryin' about the economy and tradin' like a bunch of hippies I'm over here makin' BANK! Roth Capital Partners – whoever the hell they are – actually got somethin' right for once. They said sports betting stocks are doin' pretty freakin' good even when everything else is tanking. It's about time someone listened to me!

Economic Doom and Gloom? Screw You Guys I'm Goin' Home... to the Casino!

So apparently these 'experts' are worried about the market. Yada yada yada. Trump's yelling at the Federal Reserve the sky is falling. Who cares? I'm not gonna let some stupid grown up tell me I can't have my Cheesy Poofs and my Lamborghinis! Turns out people like to bet on sports even when they're broke. Makes sense. When you're poor ya gotta get lucky somehow. So while you're all sellin' your stocks I'm buyin' shares in places like Flutter Entertainment and DraftKings. Kenny would probably invest if he wasn't so poor.

The Roundhill Sports Betting ETF? Sounds Kinda Gay...

This Roth dude is pushing something called the Roundhill Sports Betting & iGaming ETF (BETZ). What kind of name is that? Sounds kinda gay if you ask me. But apparently it's makin' money. The S&P 500 is losin' its pants but BETZ is up almost 2% this month. So maybe it's not so gay after all. It's got all the big players: FanDuel Genius Sports and even some Eurotrash companies. I'm tellin' you guys this is where the money is at!

Betsson? More Like 'Bet ON' This!

Apparently this company called Betsson is doin' even better than the rest. Roth says it's a 'strong outperformer.' Whatever that means. The important thing is it's makin' money. Up 24% in the last three months! Now that's what I'm talkin' about! Screw Token this is how you get rich you guys!

VICI Properties? Sounds Like a Disease But it Pays!

There's also this VICI Properties which sounds like a horrible disease but whatever. It's a gaming real estate thingy. Roth says it could hit $36 a share. It's already up 15% this year which isn't bad at all. Looks like Vici is the cure for being poor. Buy buy buy I say!

Ha Ha! Even I'm Not Immune (But I'm Still Gonna Invest)

Okay okay some sports betting stocks are still gettin' kicked in the nads like DraftKings and Flutter Entertainment. But even they're not doin' as bad as the rest of the market. And Deutsche Bank (more snooty Europeans) is all over Genius Sports. So even though I'm the smartest kid in South Park I'm not dumb enough to think everything's gonna be perfect. But sports betting is still the way to go you guys! Now if you’ll excuse me I need to get back to playing Warcraft. Mom! Bathroom!