Screw You Guys, I'm Taking My Dollar and Going Home! (Because Trump's Tariffs Are Messing Everything Up!)

What What What? Another Dumb Thing Trump Did!

Okay so I was just chillin' eatin' my Cheesy Poofs when I heard about this crap. Apparently that orange doofus Donald Trump put these things called 'tariffs' on stuff. Now I don't know what a 'tariff' is but it sounds like something Kyle would support so it's gotta be bad. And now this hippie Robert Reich is saying it's gonna ruin everything!

My Dollar My Rules!

This Reich dude – probably a Jew just sayin' – is going on and on about how global investors are pulling their money out of the US because of these tariffs. He says the US dollar and those Treasury bill things are the safest places to keep money. But if everyone starts running away then America is gonna lose all its power and get poor! And nobody wants to be poor especially not me!

A Free Ride? Score!

Reich says we Americans are getting a 'free ride' because the rest of the world invests in us. It's like when Kyle pays for everything at City Wok! But Trump in his infinite dumbassery is apparently trying to end this gravy train. Why Trump why?! Are you trying to make me move to Canada with Ike?!

Poor People Problems (Not Mine Thank God)

Oh great and it gets worse. Reich is whining about how these tariffs are hitting poor people the hardest. He calls it a 'regressive tax.' Whatever. It's not like I'm poor. I have Butters to do all my chores and I get all the profits from my sweet company. But still even if it doesn’t affect me directly this is some serious bullcrap!

Respect My Authoritah...Or Else!

So basically this whole situation is a giant pain in my ass. Trump is screwing everything up and now I have to worry about my future fortune! I swear if I end up having to eat ramen noodles because of this I'm gonna be pissed! You will respect my authoritah. I'm going home.

Screw You Guys I'm Going Home...To Complain More!

I'm seriously considering starting a campaign to impeach Trump. Or maybe I'll just build a giant wall around my house and declare it the Republic of Cartman. Yeah that's the ticket! Screw you guys I'm going home...to plan my world domination!