Screw You Guys, I'm Saving the Planet (From Diapers!)

Respect My Authoritah! And My Planet!

Alright listen up you guys! Cartman's here to drop some truth bombs on your stupid faces. So apparently these things called 'disposable diapers' are like totally destroying the planet. I'm talking mountains of stinky poo filled diapers that take like a million years to disappear! It's a conspiracy I tell you! A big fat diaper industrial complex conspiracy!

Compostable Diapers? Lame!

Some hippies are trying to use compostable diapers made of like wood and bamboo or whatever. But those are for lame os. And get this! They’re not even as good at holding in the poop! So basically you’re just trading a slightly less destroyed planet for a poopy butt. No thanks! Screw you guys I’m going home… to a clean diaper free planet... eventually.

ZymoChem to the Rescue? Maybe...

But hold on! There's this company called ZymoChem. And apparently they're like 'We're going to make the diaper goo from sugar!' Yeah sugar! Like in my cereal! They turn corn sugar into this biodegradable super absorbent polymer stuff! It's like making beer only instead of getting drunk you get a diaper that doesn't destroy the planet...as much! I still don’t fully trust them though. Sounds like something Kyle would be into.

The Hippies are Infiltrating!

So these ZymoChem guys can just add their goo to other diapers! That way people can keep buying the same diapers but without totally ruining the earth. It's different from those hippie companies like Charlie Banana because those guys think they know more than me.

Token's Rich But ZymoChem is Getting Richer!

And get this: rich people from Toyota and Lululemon are throwing money at them! Apparently Lululemon is going to use this stuff in their yoga pants. So now even the yoga pants are trying to be all eco friendly. Whatever. I'm still better than all of them.

Screw You Guys I'm Saving the Planet!

So yeah that's the diaper news you guys. ZymoChem is trying to save the planet one biodegradable diaper at a time. And I Eric Cartman am here to report on it. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go tell Butters to clean my room. Respect my authoritah! And my planet! Maybe. As long as it benefits me.