Screw You Guys, Im Rich! Tech Stocks Soar Like My Awesomeness!

Respect My Authoritah! The Stock Market Is Listening!

Alright listen up you guys! Eric Cartman here reporting LIVE from my freakin' awesome mansion that I totally deserve. So get this all those whiny liberals were crying about the economy tariffs and all that crap. But guess what? Technology stocks are making a comeback a HUGE comeback! It's like when I pretend to be sick to get out of school but instead of faking it these companies are ACTUALLY gettin' rich! Respect my authoritah!

Nvidia? More Like Envidia! (Because I'm Jealous)

Nvidia is leading the charge with a freakin' HUGE gain. Over 16%?! Seriously?! I shoulda bought stock in that crap. It's like when Kyle gets all the good stuff and I'm stuck with like Raisins. But I'll get my revenge. Oh yes I will get my revenge on Kyle and on Nvidia for making me jealous! And I have also lost money in online casinos that I found at toponlinecasinos.today so that sucks for me too.

Amazon? I Prefer Cartmanzon!

Amazon Alphabet Microsoft Meta Platforms... They're all up! It's like they're trying to be better than me but they're not. I'm the best. I'm Eric Cartman! Amazon's up like 5% but I bet I could create a better company. I'd call it 'Cartmanzon,' and it would deliver only the stuff I want. Screw everyone else!

Tesla? More Like Testic les! Wait No...

Even that stupid Tesla is up. I don't get it. Who wants an electric car? I want a Hummer! A big gas guzzling Hummer that screams 'Screw you hippies!' But hey good for them I guess. Maybe I'll buy one and run over some hippies. Just kidding! (Not really.)

Apple's Got Nothin' On My iPad!

Apple is doing well? Since 1998? Who cares! I bet my iPad is better than anything they've got. I can play all the latest games on it and that's all that matters. Besides I’m never gonna let Apple become a whiny liberal like Kyle. It is NOT gonna happen!

Screw You Guys I'm Going Home... With My Profits!

So yeah all these stocks are going up. It's a good week for rich people like me (even though I'm not *actually* rich... YET!). But remember I'm still better than all of you. Screw you guys I'm going home... to count my imaginary profits!