Respect My Authoritah! P&G's Cryin' 'Bout Sales!
Oh my god you guys! Listen up! It's Cartman here reporting live from my freakin' living room where I'm surrounded by delicious cheesy poofs! And guess what? Procter & Gamble – you know the company that makes all the stuff your mom buys like Tide and Charmin which I totally use to wipe my majestic ass – is whining because their sales are down! Seriously! It's like when Kyle cries because I won't let him join my superhero team. Get over it Kyle!
Blame Canada! Or Maybe Just Trump and China...
Apparently these dumb adults at P&G are blaming tariffs which is basically code for “Trump’s fault,” and some consumer slowdown! Seriously people are too poor to buy toilet paper and detergent now? What the hell! They are also blaming China cause they are in a big fight with Trump. Its like when I fight Kyle and Stan and its all their fault!
Price Hike Incoming: You're Gonna Suffer!
And get this: they're saying that because of all this crap they're probably gonna raise prices! Oh that’s BULLCRAP! Price gouging pure and simple! It means I'm gonna have to spend more of my hard earned allowance on cheesy poofs! This is NOT okay! I demand reparations!
Pampers and Paper Towels of DOOM!
The baby feminine and family care division took a nosedive with even Pampers and Bounty taking a hit! See what happens when you don't listen to me and buy generic? You get crappy diapers and paper towels that fall apart. Respect my authoritah!
Gillette's Saving Grace? Maybe?
Apparently the only thing selling is Gillette razors. Why? Do people need to be clean to suck up to the PC Principal? I don’t know! Who cares! It’s still a messed up situation!
Screw You Guys I'm Going Home (and eating Cheesy Poofs)!
So there you have it. P&G's crying prices are going up and I'm stuck dealing with it all. Screw you guys I'm going home... and I'm taking all the cheesy poofs with me! You can all just eat dirt!
Procter & Gamble P&G tariffs price hikes consumer spending earnings report revenue Trump China economy
Comments
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Cholent
Screw you guys, I'm going home!
Gloria
Kick the baby!
geewizzer
Cartman for president!
psufootball
This is so unfair! Cheesy poofs are essential!
dee610
Cheesy poofs, cheesy poofs, you're the only thing for me!
sagart
Respect my authoritah!
wilson
I'm not fat, I'm big-boned!