Screw You Guys, I'm Predicting the Stock Market (and AI is Awesome!)

AI: The Future Future is Now!

Listen up you guys! Some Wall Street fat cat named Josh Brown – probably a Jew – says the stock market is all about AI. Artificial Intelligence! You know like Skynet but hopefully not trying to kill us all...yet. Seriously if you're not investing in AI you're dumber than Butters. And that's saying something!

Dumb Americans Keep Buying Crap

And guess what else is keeping this whole thing afloat? You stupid Americans! Yeah you heard me. You're all out there buying crap you don't need and it's making the stock market go up. So keep it up dumbasses! Keep buying those City Wok chickens and iPads so I can get richer! Mwahahaha!

Ignore Everything Else Kyle!

Brown – the rich Jew – says you can ignore all the other 'data' and 'reports'. Like who cares about real news when you've got AI and mindless consumerism? It's like when I tell Kyle to ignore everything I say...except this time it's actually good advice! (Maybe.)

Consumer Spending? Who Cares!

Okay so apparently consumer spending went down a bit last month. Big deal! Brown says the U.S. consumer is still the "most important engine of global growth." So you know keep buying those Cheesy Poofs people! My future depends on it!

S&P 500: Respect My Authoritah!

The S&P 500 – whatever that is – is almost back to its record high. Brown says this is all thanks to AI and you the American consumer. So pat yourselves on the back you greedy bastards! You're all making me so proud. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go eat some KFC.

The Fed? Screw 'Em!

Apparently some old people called the Federal Reserve are going to make some decisions. But who cares what those old farts think? Brown says AI and spending are the only things that matter. So basically the world is run by robots and fat people. I can live with that!