Screw You Guys, I'm Going Home...Empty-Handed: Trump's Tariffs Threaten Christmas!

Respect My Authoritah! (Or Lack Thereof)

Listen up you guys! President Douchebag—I mean Trump—is saying that because of his stupid tariff war with China there might be fewer dolls for kids this Christmas. Fewer dolls! Can you believe that? It's like what am I supposed to do? Play with Bebe's stupid Barbies? Screw that! I wanted a new Kyle Broflovski punching bag! And now thanks to Trump I might not get one! This is seriously messed up.

Blame Canada...And China!

Apparently the tariff situation is so bad that even businesses are freaking out. This lady Lauren Greenwood from YouCopia moved her whole operation to China to make stupid storage containers for Bed Bath and Beyond. And now her factory is shut down because of Trump's idiocy! She's even posting about it on LinkedIn which let's be honest is where losers go to whine. But seriously she's saying that if this keeps up the shelves will be BARE. Like no StoraLid Container Lid Organizers! What will the moms do?! I tell you what if this leads to another pandemic but with angry moms looting retail stores I'm moving to Canada. I’ve got a Wii and I'm not afraid to use it!

Screw You Guys My Shelves Are Empty!

This Greenwood chick is saying that she's already raised prices by like 20 25%! And she's begging retailers like Amazon Target and Walmart to help her spread the 'tariff pain.' Seriously? I am not a tariff fairy! If these shelves are empty because of Trump and China and whatever I'm gonna lose my mind! I need my Cheesy Poofs and I need them NOW! I want my stuffed animals and they need to have the right amount of stuffing and must resemble my favorite characters like The Coon!

Kick the Baby! (But Gently)

Even Amazon is whining! Their CEO Andy Jassy is saying that Trump's tariffs make it impossible to predict anything. Cry me a river Jassy! You're rich! Buy everyone a new toy for Christmas and shut your yap! And this other lady Melissa Gad from Colugo is saying she's stopped making strollers. Strollers you guys! What about the babies?! Oh wait she said gently kick the baby gently. I guess I don’t want to get into trouble.

Respect My Ordering Process!

This Ted Krantz guy from interos.ai is saying that holiday shipments are down like 53%! Fifty three percent! That's a lot of missing Christmas crap! He says retailers are weighing the cost of early orders against the risk of empty shelves. Well duh! I could have told you that genius! I bet he drives a Prius.

I'm Going Home...To An Empty Christmas?

So basically even if Trump and China kiss and make up it might be too late to save Christmas! Alan Baer from OL USA says that even if orders get placed in June there's no guarantee they'll be filled. And some shipping dude named Andy Abbott says that even if a deal is made it'll take weeks for the ships to come back. So all you little kids out there get ready for a Christmas of coal! Thanks Trump! Thanks China! Screw you guys I'm going home...to an empty Christmas!