Screw You Guys, I'm Getting Rich! Trump's Tariff Shenanigans and My Stock Portfolio

Respect My Authoritah! Or Else...

Oh my god you guys listen up! These stupid trade deadlines are coming up and everyone's all worried about Trump's 'reciprocal' tariffs. It's like whatever! As long as I can still buy my Cheesy Poofs I don't care if the world burns. These d*mn trading partners need to respect my authoritah or else.

Kick Ass and Take Names (and Profits)

So the 90 day reprieve thingy ends on Tuesday and the EU deal is supposed to be done by Wednesday. But everyone thinks Trump's just gonna keep talking. Smart move Trump! As long as he doesn't screw up my chances of becoming a trillionaire. I'm gonna be so rich you guys! I'll have my own amusement park Cartmanland where I can finally control the freakin' world!

Blame Canada! (And Vietnam)

Apparently this whole Vietnam deal is messing things up. They're getting hit with a 20% tariff! 20%! That's like almost as bad as the time Canada blew up Ike! Seriously Canada screw you guys I'm going home! I mean... I'm going to make some money off of this.

I'm Not Fat I'm Big Boned... and Rich

So some smarty pants at BlackRock this Rieder guy thinks the tariffs will be 15%. Whatever! I'm still gonna invest! Even if the dollar goes down and everything gets more expensive I'll just buy more stuff! Because I'm not fat I'm big boned... and I'll be rich! Ha ha you peasants!

Sweet! My Bailout

There's also some bill that's supposed to give the stock market a 'boost.' Sounds like a bailout to me! Sweet! More money for Cartman! I'm gonna buy so much KFC... and maybe a robot to do my homework.

Screw You Guys I'm Going Home... With All the Money!

Look all this tariff talk is boring. The bottom line is I'm gonna get rich. And if the stock market crashes it's not my problem. I'll just blame the Jews... or Canada! So screw you guys I'm going home... with all the money! Respect my authoritah!