Screw You Guys, I'm Getting My Tariffs! Trump's Trade War is Messing with My Wii!

Respect My Authoritah! Or Else...

Alright listen up you stupid Europeans! I'm Eric Cartman and I'm here to tell you that this whole trade war bullcrap is directly affecting ME! Apparently Trump and those wine sipping Europeans are fighting over tariffs. Tariffs! You know what that means? More expensive video games and maybe even a shortage of FREAKING CHEESY POOFS! That's unacceptable! If I can't get my Cheesy Poofs heads are gonna ROLL! Respect my authoritah! I'm not even kidding guys. I'll call my mom and she'll sue you all! She knows lawyers and stuff. I mean COME ON!

Blame Canada! ...Wait No Blame Europe!

So apparently these Euro weenies and the US were best friends forever but now they're fighting like Kyle's mom and everyone else. It all started when Trump decided to slap tariffs on everyone and their mother. And then the EU was like 'Oh no you didn't' and now they're playing a game of economic chicken. And get this they were trying to reduce tariffs until July 9th but those damn Europeans just had to disagree with it. The EU thinks they are tough stuff but they are not prepared for the pain. I wonder if the Nazi gold is involved in this that would make a lot of sense.

Screw You Guys I'm Negotiating!

These guys are running around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to make a deal. One EU dude said they're hoping for a 'political' deal. What the heck does that even mean? Sounds like some PC Principal garbage to me. They wanna hash out the details later. Later?! I need my stuff NOW! They're having face to face talks and the EU expects to hear more information about it on Friday. I swear to God if I don't get what I want I'm gonna gather all my friends and start a riot! We will not go gentle into that good night we shall rage rage against the dying of the light!

I'm Slightly Optimistic...About Getting Screwed

Some Lithuanian dude I don't even know where that is says he's 'slightly optimistic.' Oh shove it you little Jew! Optimistic about what? Getting screwed over by Trump? Or having to pay more for my snacks? The EU is even preparing for the worst like the return of those stupid tariffs. They are saying 'all outcomes' are on the table from a deal to MORE TARIFFS. Great! Just freakin' great! My patience is wearing thin here! They all suck I hate them!

This is Getting Serious...For Me!

One unnamed EU official said that the EU can't go back to how things were before. Well DUH! You think I'm stupid? Everything's changed! I am getting older! One anonymous dude even thinks the deal might be 'asymmetrical'. That is the same as saying 'We're probably gonna get screwed.' The EU is trying to get deals on cars semiconductors and medicine I don't give a crap! Give me my Wii I want my games and I want it now!

Upfront Tariff Relief? More Like Upfront Cheesy Poofs!

Some EU members are saying they'll only agree if Trump promises 'upfront tariff relief.' What about 'upfront Cheesy Poofs relief,' huh? Nobody cares about the important things. The EU is trying to work things out but they have to make sure all 27 of their countries agree. That is a lot of dumb people trying to make a decision. This whole situation is a complete disaster! I am calling Kenny Kyle and Stan and we are marching to the White House to fix this crap. I am out of here.