Screw You Guys I'm Dumping Bonds! Treasury Market in Total Chaos!

Respect My Authoritah... Over These Bonds!

Alright listen up you little Butters! Eric Cartman here reporting live from my mom's basement where I'm practically running the global economy. So these stupid Treasury yields they're like Kyle's stupid face – always going up and down and making everyone upset. Apparently they fell on Monday. Big freaking deal. I could care less about the stinky bond market.

Trump's Tariff Shenanigans! Sweet!

So President Douchebag I mean Trump decides to give some companies a pass on these tariff things especially on phones and computers. Probably because he needs to tweet his stupid rants 24/7. He says he wants companies to move production to the U.S. That's fine with me as long as it doesn't mess with my Cheesy Poofs supply! But he also says it might not last?! What a tool!

Bond Market on a Wild Ride... Just Like My Go Kart!

This bond market has been more volatile than Kenny at a fireworks convention. Apparently the 10 year yield went up like crazy last week – the biggest jump since whenever! Even when Trump paused the tariffs it still went up again. It's like trying to control Kenny; it is impossible to get anything done with these guys!

Are the Japanese and Chinese Getting Ready to 'Screw You Guys I'm Going Home'?

Now some people are saying that foreign investors like those sneaky Japanese and Chinese might be dumping their Treasury holdings. Oh that's it! If they do I'm blaming it all on Kyle! He probably did something to offend them with his stupid opinions. 'Oh I am Kyle Broflovski and I care about world peace!' Shut up Kyle!

Panic! Panic Everywhere!

This Gennadiy Goldberg dude from TD Securities – who cares what a nerd like him thinks – says he hasn't seen direct proof that foreigners are dumping bonds but the fear itself is enough to cause a “significant panic.” Well duh! It's like when I told everyone that Butters was a vampire – total chaos and it was awesome!

Screw You Guys I'm Going Home... To Count My Money!

So what's the bottom line? The Treasury market is a mess Trump is being Trump and foreign investors might be ditching us faster than Kenny ditches a math test. Me? I'm gonna go eat some Cheesy Poofs and think about how to become richer than Bill Gates. Screw you guys I'm going home!