Screw You Guys, I'm Declaring a Ceasefire! Putin's Totally Awesome (Not) Plan

Respect My Authoritah! Putin's Victory Parade

Okay so apparently this dude Putin who's like totally trying to be the coolest kid in school by starting a war is now declaring a three day ceasefire. He says it's for the 80th anniversary of the Soviet Union's victory in World War Two which is like whatever. It's all happening on May 8th 9th and 10th. He's even inviting his bestie President Xi Jinping from China to a massive party. It's gonna be YUGE! But honestly it sounds like a load of bullcrap. Like when Kyle says he's not being a Jew but he totally is!

Screw You Sybiha! Ukraine's Not Falling For It

This Ukrainian Foreign Minister dude Andrii Sybiha is all like "If Russia really wants peace why wait?" DUH! It's like no crap Sherlock! He's saying the ceasefire should be real not just for a parade. And I'm like yeah no duh! But you know how these guys are. Always gotta make a big deal out of everything. It's like when Stan gets all emo because Wendy won't put out. Get over it!

Trump's MAGA Ceasefire!

And of course that doofus Trump wants a PERMANENT ceasefire. Yeah good luck with that fatass. He's probably just trying to get Putin to buy him a golden toilet or something. Seriously can't we just build a wall around these guys and keep them all out of our lives?

Russia Plays the Victim Like Always!

Putin's being all dramatic saying Ukraine needs to follow his 'example'. And if they don't? BOOM! Russia's gonna retaliate. Oh boo hoo! Like they haven't been blowing up everything already! It's like when Butters tries to be tough but then he just ends up crying and getting grounded.

Zelenskyy's Ready to Talk (Maybe)

Zelenskyy after hanging out with Trump at the Pope's funeral (WTF?) says he's ready to talk once the fighting stops. But get this he wants a 30 day ceasefire! Talk about being greedy! Russia wants a full settlement which is like never gonna happen. It's all a big fat waste of time. Just like Kenny's life.

Crimea River Trump Says!

Trump is also running his big mouth urging Russia to stop the attacks and suggesting Zelenskyy should just give up Crimea. But Zelenskyy is having none of it. He says that giving up Crimea would violate Ukraine's constitution. I say who cares about some stupid constitution? Just get it over with already! It's like when my mom makes me eat broccoli. I hate broccoli but I have to eat it anyway!