Screw You Guys, I'm Cutting Off Pride (Maybe): Corporations Get Woke-ish Then Go Broke-ish!

Respect My Authoritah Respect My Wallet!

Okay listen up you guys! This is Eric Cartman reporting and let me tell you things are going south faster than Kenny in a construction zone. These big fat corporations who were all like 'Oh we LOVE the gays look at us being so inclusive!' are now running away from Pride faster than I run from responsibility. Apparently money is more important than being 'woke,' whatever the heck that means. It's like when I pretend to be nice to get something then BAM! Screw you guys I'm going home!

Economic Hardship? More Like Economic Bullshit!

These companies are saying it's about 'economic concerns.' Economic concerns my ass! It's probably because they're afraid of Butters and his conservative friends getting all riled up. It's like when Wendy tries to make me feel guilty about being a greedy little pig...it never works! I bet they're all just secretly happy they don't have to pretend to care anymore. Total Kyle move am I right?

Anheuser Busch? More Like Anheuser BUSTED!

So San Francisco Pride is saying Anheuser Busch Comcast Diageo and Nissan are all ditching them. Anheuser Busch you know the company that makes Bud Light? Seems like they learned their lesson after that whole Dylan Mulvaney thing. They're probably hiding in their corporate offices weeping into their balance sheets while drinking Zima which is for girls. And probably Token.

Blame Canada (and Trump)!?

Some people are blaming Trump and his anti LGBTQ+ stuff. Like 'Oh the White House is being mean!' Wah wah wah! Grow up you whiny babies! But honestly maybe they have a point. If those snowflake corporations are scared of losing federal funding maybe Trump is more powerful than I thought. This calls for a diabolical scheme!

Pride on a Budget? More Like Pride in Poverty!

These Pride organizations are scrambling for cash like I scramble for Cheesy Poofs. They're doing crowdfunding asking for donations...it's pathetic! Maybe they should just sell cookies or something. Or get a job! Get a job hippies! I mean seriously they're even cutting performance stages. What's a Pride parade without a bunch of drag queens lip syncing badly? It's like Christmas without presents...or Kenny!

Screw You Guys We're Doing It Ourselves!

Some of these groups are actually saying they're *reevaluating* their partnerships. Oh boo hoo! Maybe they should have thought about that before selling out to corporate America in the first place. Good for them that these woke people are trying to be independent but at the end of the day they can’t replace the big bucks! Theyre talking about community donations? Please. That’s as ridiculous as Kyle trying to be cool.