General Motors is Screwed Bro! Tariffs are Gonna Make Them Cartmanland Unaffordable!

Respect My Authoritah! UBS Puts the Screws to GM!

Okay listen up you guys! UBS which sounds like some kinda fancy Swiss toilet company just totally crapped on General Motors! They downgraded GM meaning they think GM's gonna suck more balls than Kyle's mom! It's all 'cause of those stupid tariffs. Apparently some people think charging extra for stuff makes things better. I don't get it! Where's my freakin' Cheesy Poofs?!

Tariffs Tariffs Everywhere!

So these tariffs right? They're like taxes on stuff coming from other countries. And now because of Trump and China acting like total dicks GM's gonna have to pay more for making cars. That means more money outta their pockets and less money for you know important stuff like making Cartmanland a reality! This Spak dude from UBS lowered the price target for GM so someone isn't getting a pony!

Five BILLION Dollars?! Sweet!

Apparently these tariffs could cost GM like five BILLION dollars a year! That's enough to buy a freakin' army of Butters's! This Spak guy thinks GM might try to charge more for their cars to make up for it but that's gonna make people not wanna buy them! It's a total clusterfuck just like when I tried to start my own church. Oh my god I miss Kenny...

USMCA? More Like USMC A Pain In My Ass!

And get this there's some deal called USMCA which sounds like a disease you get from touching Mexicans that could make things even WORSE! If that deal goes south it'll cost even more to make cars in America. Which is bad because you know 'Merica! Screw you guys I'm going home but after I finish making fun of Kyle!

Tesla Gets the Cartman Treatment Too!

But wait there's more! This Spak dooshbag also downgraded Tesla! HA! Serves those tree hugging hippie mobiles right! I knew those electric cars were a load of crap! They're probably powered by the souls of dead kittens or something. Oh and he's betting against Tesla so I hope they're screwed too. Cartman wins again!

CNBC Wants Your Money! Respect Their Authoritah!

So basically the stock market's a big pile of crap GM's probably doomed Tesla's gonna blow up and you should all give me your money so I can build Cartmanland! Oh and CNBC is having some fancy pants event at the New York Stock Exchange. Sounds boring. I'd rather watch Terrance and Phillip fart on each other.