AWESOME! Judge Saves Democracy From Republicans Trying to Rig Elections, Respect My Authoritah!

Lame O Republicans Try to Steal Election!?

Okay so listen up you guys. This is Eric Cartman reporting and let me tell you this whole thing is just BULLSHIT! These Republicans led by some dork named Griffin are trying to pull a fast one and STEAL an election in North Carolina. It's all about some stupid ballots they're trying to throw out saying they're 'ineligible'. Oh really? Says WHO Griffin? You can't just go around disqualifying votes because you're a sore loser! Respect my authoritah! They're like 'Oh these votes are ILLEGAL!' But seriously they're just mad because they're LOSING! WAH WAH!

Dumb Judge Actually Does Something Smart!

So this judge this Richard Myers dude – who was even picked by Trump can you believe it? – actually did something RIGHT for once! He told Griffin and his Republican cronies to shove it! He said you can't just change the rules AFTER the election which is totally what they were trying to do. It's like saying 'Oh you scored a touchdown? Too bad we changed the rules now it's worth zero points!' That's messed up! Good job Judge Myers even if you're a Republican. You're not cool but at least you're not totally lame.

Democrats are SOOOOO Happy But Are They Cool?

Of course the Democrats are all happy clappy about this. This Riggs chick is going around saying 'We won!' Oh geez! Like anyone cares. They always have to be such goody two shoes. But whatever at least they're not trying to steal elections like those Republican douches. Still doesn't make them cool though. Tokenism anyone?

Griffin Throws a Tantrum (Like a Little Baby)

So Griffin is now probably throwing a huge hissy fit like a little baby who didn't get his way. He's all like 'But... but... MY VOTES!' Wah wah! Get over it dude! You lost! Now go home and cry to your mommy. And his spokesperson or whatever is all 'We're reviewing our options' which is code for 'We're going to keep whining until someone gives us what we want!'

The Republicans' Totally Evil Plan to Ruin Everything

The worst part is these Republicans are probably planning to do this crap in other states too! They're trying to make it so they can just overturn any election they don't like! It's a total attack on democracy which honestly I don't even care about but it's still really annoying. They're like 'We're just making sure the votes are LEGAL!' But really they're just being gigantic tools. God I hate them so much!

Screw You Guys I'm Going Home! You're All Grounded!

So that's the story. Republicans are being dicks the judge did something not totally stupid and the Democrats are being annoyingly happy. As usual everything is still totally lame. I'm going home to watch TV and eat Cheesy Poofs. Screw you guys I'm going home! And you're all grounded! Especially you Kyle!