Warner Bros. Discovery Split: One Meeellion Dollars Worth of Corporate Chaos!

Sharks with Frickin' Laser Beams... and Media Conglomerates!

Mwahahaha! It is I Doctor Evil reporting to you LIVE from my volcano lair! News has reached my exquisitely evil ears that Warner Bros. Discovery or WBD as the cool kids call it is planning a little… restructuring. And by restructuring I mean SPLITTING IN TWO! Yes like Austin Powers after I hit him with my shrinking ray but hopefully with slightly less shag carpeting. They're dividing the empire into a streaming and studios company (HBO Max movies – the good stuff) and a global networks company (CNN sports – less good but still useful for broadcasting my evil monologues!).

One Company? That's Cute. Try Two and Then World Domination!

David Zaslav the man in charge of WBD claims this is all about 'strategic flexibility' and 'competing effectively'. Oh PLEASE! I invented strategic flexibility when I installed ejection seats in my rocket ship and as for competition I literally froze myself for thirty years just to get ahead! This sounds less like good business and more like a precursor to a hostile takeover... perhaps by yours truly? One can only hope! This split is expected by mid 2026 giving me plenty of time to mwahahaha PLAN!

Comcast is Doing it Too? They Must Be Stopped!

And what's this? That cable company Comcast is spinning off its networks as well? Preposterous! Are they trying to steal my thunder? Or worse... are they trying to… *partner*? Unacceptable! My evil plans are far too sophisticated for Comcast's… shall we say… 'basic' approach. They wouldn't know a death ray from a DVD player!

A Nine Percent Stock Jump? That's Practically Pocket Change!

WBD stock is up 9% in premarket trading. Nine percent? My goodness that's almost enough to buy… well maybe a slightly used moon base. I need a bigger percentage jump! Maybe I should threaten to hold the world ransom for… ONE MEEEELLION DOLLARS! Adjusting for inflation of course. We're talking about what 43 trillion dollars give or take.

Is This the Beginning of Something Truly Evil?

This entire media shakeup smells fishier than a Bond villain's swimming pool. Could this be the start of some massive media consolidation? A world where all the news entertainment and sporting events are controlled by… me? Mwahahaha! No wait scratch that. I'd probably get bored. Still the possibilities are… intriguing.

Prepare for My New Streaming Service: EvilFlix!

So what does all this mean? It means the media landscape is changing. And change my friends is an opportunity. An opportunity for… EVIL! Perhaps I will launch my own streaming service EvilFlix! Featuring such classics as 'Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery' (because I am the star obviously) 'How to Build a Doomsday Device for Dummies' and 'Mini Me's Guide to World Domination'. Coming soon… to a screen near you! Mwahahahaha!