Transitory Inflation is Back Baby! Are We Doomed Again!?

One Million Dollars! (Inflation Edition)

Mwahahaha! Dr. Evil here reporting live from my volcano lair! Apparently this Governor Waller fellow at the Federal Reserve thinks he's so clever using the word 'transitory' again. 'Transitory,' he says! Reminds me of the time I asked for ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Remember what happened then? Chaos! Utter chaos! Now he's saying these Trump tariffs will just cause a little blip in inflation like a tiny pimple on the face of global economics. Please! This is going to be much worse. Much much worse. I'm thinking...more like a giant pustulating boil!

Sharks With Frickin' Laser Beams and Also Tariffs

Waller bless his cotton socks is comparing this to a football play! The 'tush push,' no less! He thinks if it didn't work once doesn't mean you shouldn't try it again. But guess what Waller? This isn't a game! This is about world domination! And frankly the tariffs are more like strapping sharks with frickin' laser beams to the economy! They'll look cool for a minute but then… kablooey! Inflation everywhere!

Mini Me Inflation vs. Godzilla Inflation

Apparently we have two scenarios: Mini Me tariffs or Godzilla tariffs. Mini Me gives us a measly 3% inflation bump. Godzilla? A whopping 4% to 5%! Honestly either way it's not good enough! I need inflation at like 100%! Then I can truly corner the market on… well I haven't decided what yet but it'll be evil I assure you! Evil I tell you! Muah hah ha ha!

Raaaaate Hikes!

Even with inflation Waller thinks the Fed will still cut interest rates. Cut them! Like that's some kind of solution. I say we need to raise those suckers to the moon! Let's send the economy into a deep freeze! A cryogenic state! Then when I thaw it out I'll be in charge! Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant! Just like my plan to drill into the Earth's core and hold the world ransom. Remember that? Classic Evil.

Negotiating Table? More Like the Pit of Despair!

Waller believes Trump might use these tariffs as negotiating tactics. Negotiating! Please that's for amateurs. I prefer demanding. And if they don't comply? The Pit of Despair of course! No sharks with lasers required; just the sheer terror of my disapproval will be enough to crush their spirits! Also...sharks with lasers.

CNBC Pro? More Like CNBC...No!

And finally they're trying to lure you in with some 'CNBC Pro LIVE' event. Sounds suspiciously like a trap! Don't fall for it! Stay vigilant! Question everything! And remember the world is mine for the taking! Soon… very soon… Mwahahaha! And maybe I'll send Basil Exposition. He's no fun and his teeth are Crooked.