Steel Deal, Baby! Trump Hands U.S. Steel to Japan (Almost)! Mwahahaha!

One Million Dollars! (Worth of Steel)

Alright minions gather 'round! Doctor Evil here reporting live from my volcano lair where I'm always forging plans mostly of world domination. But today we're talking steel. U.S. Steel to be precise! Apparently those Yanks have been playing footsie with Nippon Steel and that orange buffoon Trump decided to give it the thumbs up. Can you believe it? It's like handing over the keys to the Iron Throne but you know less stabby.

Riiiiight. A 'Partnership.'

Trump bless his spray tanned heart calls it a 'partnership.' A partnership? It's a takeover people! A corporate dance of destruction where U.S. Steel becomes Nippon Steel's little wholly owned puppet! Did no one learn anything from the last time someone called a hostile takeover a “partnership”? Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice… well you're not gonna fool me again that’s what!

Golden Share? Sounds Like a Bond Villain's Cocktail!

Now here's where it gets interesting. They're throwing around the term 'golden share.' Ooh fancy! Apparently the U.S. government gets to play veto wielding overlord stopping Nippon Steel from pulling a fast one like relocating headquarters or renaming U.S. Steel to 'Nippon Awesome Steel 2000.' Still it's a plot worthy of Goldmember except instead of painting people gold they're… well making steel. Less glamorous I admit.

Sharks With Frickin' Laser Beams

Commerce Secretary Lutnick spilled the beans on social media. Social media! Can you imagine? My plans for world domination revealed in a tweet! The horror! Anyway he blabbed about the U.S. President having veto power over moving jobs and closing plants. It's like they’re trying to protect American jobs… by selling the company to Japan. Makes perfect sense! Sort of. Not really.

Austin Powers Where Are You?!

The deal is pretty much done pending the usual paperwork and maybe a signature in blood (I'm just spitballing here). 'All regulatory approvals required for the completion of the Transaction have been received' says U.S. Steel in a regulatory filing. Blast! Does that mean that this deal cannot be sabotaged at all? Austin Powers where are you when I need you to get in the way?

Mwahahaha... I Mean Good for Them!

So there you have it. U.S. Steel is heading to Japan with a shiny 'golden share' for Uncle Sam. Is this a cunning plan to destabilize the global economy? Or just another corporate merger? Only time will tell! But in the meantime I'll be here plotting my own steel related schemes. Maybe I'll build a giant laser shooting robot made entirely of steel. Mwahahaha! I mean good for them. *cough*.