Rrrrow! Nvidia Saves the World (Again!) and Other Evil Market Musings

Nvidia: One Million Dollars!

Gentlemen and genetically engineered miniature versions of myself the markets have been… *ahem*… 'modestly' rising all thanks to Nvidia! That's right the company doing that AI thing that will inevitably lead to Skynet… I mean world peace is lifting the broader artificial intelligence trade. Four positive developments since March? I demand at least *ten* positive developments! Still it's a start. Perhaps I should invest. Or you know just *acquire* them. Rrrright.

Trump's Tariffs: Foiled Again!

Curses! Trump's 'reciprocal' tariffs are under fire. The U.S. Court of International Trade ruled against him. This is good for my evil plans because tariffs are a pain for importing sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads. But don't worry he's taking it to the Supreme Court. And even if that fails there are always sector specific tariffs and national security restrictions. So in other words I'm still going to get those sharks one way or another!

Goldman Sachs: Feeling the Squeeze Baby!

Goldman Sachs is feeling the volatility. Apparently investment banking activity isn't doing so hot. 'Highly volatile uncertain environment,' they say. Sounds like my average Tuesday! But aha! While mergers and IPOs suffer their trading desk is booming! Robust equity trading you say? Maybe I should manipulate that! Muahaha! And get this IPOs are coming back?! I'm going to short every last one of them. I hate startups.

Wells Fargo: Orders Orders Everywhere!

Wells Fargo had a consent order terminated. Good for them I guess. I have my own consent order with Mr. Bigglesworth that he's not allowed to try and eat Mini Me. He's still not complying. But whatever I'm sure they'll lift their asset cap soon. It's only a matter of time. Then again time is relative especially when you have a time machine. Which I'm totally not working on.

Cobenfy: Sounds Like a Drink I'd Order at Starbucks!

Bristol Myers Squibb is trying to defend their schizophrenia drug Cobenfy. It failed a trial but they insist it's still good as a primary treatment. 'Efficacy on par with existing therapies,' they claim. Sounds like a marketing ploy! They need better data! And speaking of pharmaceuticals they're worried about Trump's tariffs. Apparently messing with biopharmaceutical manufacturing can lead to supply constraints. I say let them suffer! Maybe I can corner the market on life saving medication then hold the world ransom! One *billion* dollars or everyone gets the sniffles!

Earnings Bonanza and Inflation Shenanigans!

Tonight Costco Marvell Dell and others report earnings. Oh boy oh boy oh boy! I can't wait to see how I'll manipulate their stock prices for my own nefarious purposes. And Friday we get the Fed's preferred inflation gauge. Apparently PCE is expected to rise. I'm not even sure what any of that means but it sounds evil Rrrright? All of this is a step closer to my ultimate goal: world domination! So stay tuned because Doctor Evil is always watching... and plotting! Mwahahaha!