Rrrreviving Coal! Doctor Evil's Plan to Power the World (and My Lair!) with Good, Clean COAL!

One Million Megawatts!

Mwahahaha! So President… *ahem*… Trumpy poo wants to bring back coal? Excellent! I Doctor Evil have always been a fan of… shall we say… *robust* energy sources! You see people this isn't just about powering your puny AI data centers. This is about creating an energy monopoly… *EVIL* style! Imagine the world's knowledge processed by computers powered by COAL! It’s like a diabolical symphony of data and destruction! And of course it will power my lair. I need one million megawatts to power my laser.

Environmentalists? More Like… ENVIRO MENTALISTS!

Oh and those… *environmentalists* are whining about carbon emissions? Oh boo hoo let me get my tiny violin out. As if destroying the earth is something new. I destroyed Alderaan so that the rebels would tell me the location of their secret base. Now lets talk CO2. I say let them eat coal! After all what is the point of having doomsday devices if we don’t have a little bit of… you know… DOOMSDAY?! And that’s not to say that “clean coal” isn’t an option. You see they clean it and then it becomes a weapon. Duh!

Peabody Energy: My New Henchman?

This Peabody fella seems to have the right idea! "Un retire coal plants" he says? Brilliant! It's like bringing back the dead only with more… coal dust! I think this man might be a great addition to my evil squad. Step aside Number Two we have a new sheriff in town. One that is covered in coal. Can you say "partnership," baby? Imagine the possibilities! We'll be swimming in coal like Scrooge McDuck… but with more *evil*!

Big Tech's Secret Love Affair With… FOSSIL FUELS!

Ah the tech bros are being coy! 'Oh we're so green we love the planet!' But behind closed doors they know they need… *gasp*… FOSSIL FUELS! Hah! The hypocrisy is astounding! They talk about green energy but that’s because they haven’t tried evil energy yet. I mean the evil doesn’t affect the energy itself it’s just a label. Kind of like gluten free.

Nuclear? Natural Gas? Bah! COAL is King!

Natural gas? Nuclear? Mere pretenders to the throne! COAL is the true energy monarch! Reliable abundant and… oh yes… *evil*! Plus with a nuclear power plant there’s a lot of risk involved. Like if it goes into meltdown it could wipe out an entire city. Then where would the people live?

My Master Plan: Operation BLACK LUNG!

So here's the plan in a nutshell (a very EVIL nutshell of course): 1. Convince Trumpy poo to unleash ALL the coal! 2. Partner with Peabody Energy to corner the market! 3. Power my lair and my doomsday devices with said coal! 4. Profit! Mwahahaha! Oh and finally put the environment in an iron maiden and then throw it into a volcano. Sound good people? It’s just that simple! I call it Operation Black Lung!