Nintendo's Switch 2: Are They Threatening My Evil Empire?

One Million Dollars...I Mean 15 Million Units!

So Nintendo thinks they're all that with their new 'Switch 2'. Fifteen million units in the first year they say? Pfft child's play! I once sold FIFTY gagillion units of my 'Evil Ray Gun Simulator'! Okay maybe not but still. Fifteen million is merely a rounding error in my quest for world domination. They even have a 'Doug Bowser' at the helm. Bowser? Sounds like a Koopa Troopa reject! Does he breathe fire? Can he throw hammers? I think not! Pathetic.

Bigger Screen Bigger Problems for Evil?

Apparently this 'Switch 2' boasts a bigger screen and 'improved performance'. Ooh scary! But can it launch a laser beam capable of holding the world ransom? Can it hypnotize world leaders into doing my bidding? I think not! This is all just…small potatoes. My underground lair has a bigger screen on my TV and I use it to watch sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads.

A Mere $450? Pocket Change for a Supervillain!

Four hundred and fifty dollars? That's all? I spend more than that on dry cleaning for my Nehru jackets! This 'high price tag' they speak of wouldn't even cover the interest on my offshore accounts. They think money is power? I have enough money to buy and sell Nintendo ten times over! Mwahahaha! Mini Me remind me to look into acquiring Nintendo. We could turn it into a weapon!

Sold Out in Minutes? I Expected Nothing Less...For ME!

So their pre orders sold out in minutes? Well OF COURSE! Everyone wants a piece of their gaming pie. Reminds me of when I tried to sell bottled air from my volcano lair...before I realized it smelled vaguely of sulfur. But back to the point: worldwide sellouts are MY thing! Not theirs! They must be stopped!

Doug Bowser and the 'Powerful Gameplay Features'

This Doug Bowser claims they've added 'powerful gameplay features and social features'. Social Features?! What am I running a daycare center? I need features that will help me take over the WORLD! Not features that let you share your high score with your friends. Although...maybe a mind control app disguised as a game WOULD be effective...Mini Me write that down!

The Evil Conclusion: A Potential Distraction or a Threat?

In conclusion this 'Switch 2' is either a minor distraction or a potential threat to my evil empire. Gamers are easily distracted and this could keep them occupied while I execute my plans. But...what if they're using this game to train future super soldiers? Perhaps I should invest in it then control the gaming system from within...Mini Me buy me 15 million units. And a shark with a frickin' laser beam!