Netflix Turned Down HOW MUCH From Bezos!?

Bezos's Grand Scheme: World Domination... or Just Video?

Mwahahaha! So these two chuckleheads Hastings and Randolph back when Netflix was just a wee tadpole get a summons from Bezos himself. Apparently Mr. 'I Own Everything' wanted to add video to his empire. Sounds familiar doesn't it? Like when I wanted to put a frickin' laser beam on the moon! But no everyone said it was impractical. Hypocrites I say! Anyway Bezos was poking around thinking of buying Netflix for a 'low eight figures' sum. That's barely enough to cover my dry cleaning bill people!

Eight Figures? That's Peanuts! I Spend More on Sharks!

Now when they say 'low eight figures,' we're talking chump change. Like $14 to $16 million. Austin Powers probably spends more than that on dental work after one of my schemes goes sideways! These guys at Netflix were basically running a DVD delivery service bleeding cash. Any normal person would have jumped at the chance! But not these two. Oh no they had a 'feeling' they were onto something. I hate feelings! Give me cold hard calculated world domination any day.

The Infamous Plane Ride: Where Dreams Take Flight (or Crash and Burn)

Picture this: Hastings and Randolph crammed into some tiny airplane seat debating whether to sell their little project. They're hemorrhaging money their business model is flakier than Frau Farbissina's strudel but they think they're on the cusp of greatness. It's like me trying to explain my evil plans to Number Two—he just doesn't get the vision! They decided right then and there mid flight to tell Bezos to shove it. Bold move cotton let's see if it pays off.

Blockbuster: The Biggest Mistake Since Mini Me's Diaper Change

Fast forward a couple of years and suddenly these same jokers are begging Blockbuster to buy them for a measly $50 million! Can you believe the nerve? Blockbuster CEO John Antioco practically wet himself laughing. And honestly I can't blame him. It's like me offering to sell my doomsday device to… well anyone really. Thankfully they refused! Who knew that would lead to Blockbuster going the way of the Dodo and Netflix becoming a global powerhouse? Unbelievable!

From DVD Rentals to Global Streaming: A Tale of Ridiculous Success

So now Netflix is worth billions. BILLIONS! All because they had the audacity to say no to Bezos and Blockbuster. Meanwhile I'm stuck here with my sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads still trying to take over the world. I guess sometimes the underdogs win even if it makes absolutely no sense. It's enough to make you shave your cat. Though I don't have a cat anymore I turned him into a White Persian. Still evil!

Want a New Career? Maybe Steal My Evil Empire!

And get this: CNBC is offering some online course to help people change careers. Honestly the best career change anyone could make is to join my organization! We have dental! Plus world domination of course. Seriously if you're looking for something fulfilling come work for me. Just don't expect a 401k. Or weekends off. Or basic human rights. Mwahahaha!