Muhahaha! Inflation Strikes Back: The Economy's Gone From Bad to Evil!

One Million Dollars... Err One Billion Dollar Mistake!

Good evening Austin. It is I Doctor Evil! And I bring you tidings of great… financial distress! Seems those pesky tariffs and the fact that businesses are finally jacking up prices have cost Nike a *cool* billion dollars! A billion dollars! Mwahahaha! Soon they'll all be begging for my… well I haven't quite figured out *what* I'll demand yet but it'll be EVIL! Maybe I'll demand… sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! No wait I will ask for TWO million dollars!!

Re Ticketing: A Sign of the Apocalypse (or My Return)

My insidious network of spies (and by spies I mean people who read the news) tells me that companies are *re ticketing* items – raising those pesky prices! Millions of units are being marked up from apparel to those gadgets people are so obsessed with. This is like the good old pandemic days but this time instead of buying all that toilet paper they'll be emptying their wallets even faster. I love it. Maybe I should invest in the re ticketing business… for world domination of course!

Less Stuff More Money: The Perfect Combination (for Evil)

Inventory is shrinking! Fewer products higher prices! It's like a diabolical symphony of economic despair! Retailers are scared manufacturers are sweating and I… I'm positively *glowing* with malicious glee! They're only keeping about three months of inventory on hand now compared to six months before. Austin Powers will never find all my stuff now. They are so scared to ship anything anywhere because of all the tariffs so they are all losing! Muhahahaha!

Peak Season? More Like Weak Season!

Oh the 'peak season' is looking less like a mountain and more like a molehill. Warehouses are emptying shipping containers are gathering dust… the holidays are doomed! Doomed I say! It’s all part of my plan! Think of all the disappointed children who won't get the latest Evil Corp action figure. The horror! The horror!

East Coast vs. West Coast: A Coastal Conspiracy?

Ah but the East Coast thinks they're clever. That Rooney woman at the Port of New York and New Jersey she thinks they're dodging my… I mean the tariffs! They're getting their goods from Europe and Southeast Asia. But fear not! My influence spans the globe. I will find a way to… slightly inconvenience their supply chains. Maybe I'll order a giant squid to block the harbor. Or or maybe I will do something even MORE evil. I will ask that Austin Powers takes over for a day!

A Final Word of Evil Wisdom

So what have we learned? The economy is teetering on the brink prices are soaring and chaos reigns supreme! It's a beautiful thing. Indecision is the best decision they say? No indecision is a sign of weakness! My advice? Invest in gold build a secret volcano lair and prepare for… DOOM! Mwahahahahahahaha!