Is This The End Of The World Trade As We Know It?! Trump's Tariffs Trigger Global Meltdown!?

One Million Dollars!

Alright people listen up! Doctor Evil here reporting live from my secret volcano lair. The World Trade Organization (or as I like to call them the 'World Trade Obstructors') are whining about Donald Trump's tariffs. Apparently the outlook for global trade has 'deteriorated sharply.' Deteriorated sharply? HA! That's what I said when Number Two brought me decaf coffee! Unacceptable!

Mini Me's Trade Tantrums

These tariffs put in place by that orange haired maniac are causing a stir. The WTO (World Trivial Organization) says world merchandise trade will decline by 0.2% in 2025! A measly 0.2%! I cause more chaos spilling my evil tea! But they also predict a 'modest' recovery in 2026. Modest? I only deal in world domination baby! None of this modest nonsense.

North America's Nosedive

The biggest loser? North America! Exports are expected to drop by a whopping 12.6% this year! Twelve point six percent! That's more than my percentage of world evil domination…for now! Muahahaha! The WTO (We Try Optimism) is also warning of 'severe downside risks.' They're worried about 'reciprocal' tariffs and policy uncertainty. Uncertainty? That's my middle name! Well actually it's Evil but you get the point!

A Strong Start Then BAM!

Apparently 2024 was a good year. Merchandise trade grew by 2.9% and commercial services trade expanded by 6.8%. A whopping 6.8% I should've invested then! But now? The WTO (Why Trade Obstructs) is saying the 0.2% decline is nearly three percentage points lower than it would have been under a 'low tariff' scenario. Three percentage points! That's almost as much as I offered the UN to stop interfering with my plans!

Reciprocal Tariffs: A Shagadelic Mess!

So Trump (Dr. Evil without the Charm) announced 'reciprocal' tariffs on imports from over 180 countries! Beijing got hit the hardest with a 145% duty on Chinese imports! One Hundred Forty Five Percent! Who does that? China retaliated with 125% tariffs on U.S. imports. This isn't a trade war it's a trade cat fight! Someone get me my popcorn!

Trade Diversion...To My Lair!

The WTO (Who Trades Out) also predicts this mess will 'trigger significant trade diversion.' Chinese merchandise exports are expected to rise by 4% to 9% outside North America. Nine Percent! That's like…90 Mini Mes! And U.S. imports from China are expected to fall sharply. Great! More room for me to import lasers and sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Excellent!