Iran's Strait of Hormuz Gambit: A Self-Inflicted Wound or a Calculated Risk? Mwahahaha!

One Million Barrels... I Mean Dollars!

So Iran's thinking about closing the Strait of Hormuz? Mwahahaha! It seems my 'laser' is not the only weapon of destruction! This could be bigger than my initial demand of ONE MILLION DOLLARS! (Adjusted for inflation of course. We're talking billions now!). Anyway these 'experts' at CNBC say it's a bad idea for Iran. Apparently they risk alienating their neighbors and trade partners. Oh the humanity! But Doctor Evil always considers the risks even when I'm planning to hold the world ransom! Mini Me remind me to add 'Strait of Hormuz disruption' to my list of potential world domination schemes.

Minimalistic? More Like Diabolical!

Vandana Hari (sounds like a Bond girl doesn't she?) from Vanda Insights thinks the chance of closure is 'absolutely minimalistic.' Hmph! Minimalistic is for those who can't afford my sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! But she does raise a point: Iran could turn its neighbors into enemies. Enemies are good! More chaos for Doctor Evil to exploit! But seriously antagonizing China? Even *I* know you don't mess with the world's manufacturing hub. It's like trying to short circuit my lair's power supply… not a smart move baby!

A Target on Their Backs Literally!

Andrew Bishop from Signum Global Advisors agrees saying Iran won't want to anger China. And disrupting supplies will 'put a target' on their oil production. A target? Excellent! I've always been a fan of targeting things. Like Austin Powers! But I digress. This also raises another point; it looks like Iran is giving US and Israel the perfect reason to become 'trigger happy.' I wonder if they're using my laser pointer HA!

China's Got a Problem: Daddy Needs His Oil!

Clayton Seigle from the Center for Strategic and International Studies chimes in saying China's 'very dependent' on oil flows from the Gulf. Well duh! Everyone's dependent on oil! Except maybe those electric car folks. But they're probably secretly powered by fossil fuels anyway! So China needs to keep things stable. Good luck with that when you have a rogue nation threatening to close a vital waterway. This is just as serious as Austin Powers thwarting my plans for the 304th time!

Rattling Hormuz: Just Enough to Hurt?

So what's Iran's game plan? Bishop thinks they'll 'rattle Hormuz oil flows just enough to hurt the U.S.' Aha! A classic Doctor Evil move! A moderate upward price movement? Sounds like a recipe for chaos and profit! But not enough to provoke a 'major U.S. response'? That's the tricky part. One must be careful even when unleashing diabolical schemes. One wrong move and BOOM! No more lair… and I'd have to find a new volcano.

Gas Prices Going Up? Excellent! (For Me Not You!)

Patrick De Haan from GasBuddy says gas prices in the U.S. could climb. Oh happy day! More money for oil companies… and potential chaos for the global economy! I approve! Apparently Iran could use small boats or mines for a partial or complete blockade. Mines! Now we're talking! Although sharks with laser beams are still my preferred method of waterway obstruction. And S&P Global Commodity Insights says the closure would affect not just Iran but also Saudi Arabia the UAE Kuwait and Qatar. Aww everyone gets a piece of the disruption pie! Doctor Evil is all about spreading the misery mwahahaha!