India's Economy Doomed! Is This My Chance to Take Over the World?!

A Quarter Point? Really? Pathetic!

Alright people gather 'round! Doctor Evil is here to analyze the situation in India. Apparently their central bank the Reserve Bank of India (RBI) has cut its policy rate by a measly 25 basis points! 6%? What is this amateur hour? It's their lowest since September 2022. I once moved a decimal point and caused a global recession you've got to pump those numbers up that's rookie numbers in this racket!

Tariffs Tariffs Everywhere!

And what's this? The U.S. has slapped a 26% tariff on Indian goods. A tariff war? Excellent! More chaos equals more opportunity for Doctor Evil! The RBI is whining about 'uncertainties' and 'headwinds'. Headwinds? I laugh in the face of headwinds! I once redirected a hurricane… with my mind!

Slowing Economy? More Like Prime Opportunity!

Apparently India's economy is slowing down. Their GDP only grew by 6.2% in the last quarter of 2024. 6.2%? That's slower than Number Two trying to understand Bitcoin! And they estimate only 6.5% growth for the next financial year? This is all lining up perfectly for my evil plans! Mwahahaha!

HSBC? More Like H S B See You Later India!

Even HSBC predicts the tariffs will shave off half a percentage point from India's growth. Half a point! I once shaved off an entire continent with my… laser! And Sanjay Mathur from ANZ thinks GDP growth below 6% is 'not impossible'? Not impossible? I'll make it 'extremely likely'! This is getting better and better!

Heatwave? More Like 'Heat DOOM'!

And to top it all off there's a heatwave threatening their agricultural output! A heatwave! I once created a global ice age with a giant mirror pointed at the sun. I could easily amplify this heatwave. Agriculture makes up 18% of their economy? That's a significant chunk! Time for a climate related… incident!

Inflation? Just a Minor Inconvenience!

Oh and inflation is down. Apparently its at 3.61%. Some are predicting 3.5% for the next 6 months. But I say 'Who cares about inflation?' This just means there is less money for them to buy my sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! This is it people. All the pieces are falling into place. India's economic woes? An opportunity for Doctor Evil to take over the world! Mwahahahaha!